Hi nw, I dont know the answer to that but maybe you are trying to run before you can walk so to speak....
I think you have to go right back, being at the learning and getting to know bit in your relationship, take it slow, get some romance going (not sex!) get to know your wife again, do things togther that you have never done before... basically build back up your relationship, trust, discover each other again and I think that is when the love and sex will feel right...
Just my thoughts...
but wishing you luck as always
Hanik.