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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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Re: Analysis paralysis
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Erin68
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Jan 15 13 5:11 PM
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Folks, I have been thinking about this all evening, since Alicea said she had an overwhelming urge to send an email to her DSO - so I have decided to share the letter I sent to mine last March, after I had first discovered Anne's books - I wrote it with a view to providing some closure for me - I heard nothing back. Until he needed my help in July that is. I dont know if it will help any of you, but after some consideration, I thought I would share it, make of it what you will,
regards,
Erin
Dear Xxxx,
As I've been housebound for the last few weeks, I've used the time to further my reading and try to deepen my understanding of your illness. You know that I love you and I know that you are not your illness - but while it has the upper hand I understand that the way you see the world and they way you see me is distorted. I expect nothing from you and I ask you for nothing. Please believe me that I wish you well - nothing would make me happier than knowing that you were feeling good again and enjoying life.
I know I cant 'fix' you - you have to want to fix yourself. I didnt think thats what I was doing, I thought I was trying to help, which is a natural thing to do when someone you love and care about is in pain. But I realise now that I was trying to fix you, so that you would love me as I believed you used to. I'm sorry for not respecting your wishes to be left alone - my understanding of depression was so limited that I believed you couldnt possibly mean it when you really needed help - again, my apologies.
I said to you the last time we saw each other than we each have to take responsibility for our own health and welfare and I believe that to be true. There are many people who suffer from depression and the treatment options are wide and varied. Unfortunately there is no one size fits all approach as the illness profile is unique to each individual who suffers from it. When you are ready to do so, I hope you will talk to your doctor again about it. As you seem to have suffered with it all your adult life, I think it is reasonable to assume that a long term strategy for tackling it is what is best and you will need the support of a decent and knowledgeable doctor to do that. If you feel she is not up to the job of giving you that kind of support then you could consider asking her for a referral to a psychiatrist who specialises in mood disorders - prescribing for depression appears to be a bit of an art and the general consensus in the literature is that GPs are usually not up to speed to the same extent as the specialists on combinations/dosage etc.
I hope XXX (his daughter) is safe and well. I wish her luck in her exams in June. I know it cant be easy for her, you are the most important person in her life and it is important that she grows up knowing that you are there for her. I am sure she will turn out to be a fine, confident and caring woman - that will be because of you - you have much to be proud of.
I dont think I ever told you this, but I have always admired you and I was incredibly proud to be part of your life, if only for a short time. You have overcome so much personal hardship and still manage to raise your daughter - these are amazing achievements XXX, no less so when you struggle daily with an illness that I cant even begin to imagine or understand. Never forget that you are a kind, generous, honest, courageous, caring and wonderful man - your illness cannot rob you of your core goodness - it may mask it for a while, but I know you and those character traits will always be there - these are what make you so special and why I loved you.
I sincerely wish you the very best - no one deserves it more. Take care of yourself and know that I am here for you, in the event that you ever need me, for a hug, a coffee, to talk or just sit in silence if that is what you prefer.
All my love,
Xx
Last Edited By:
Erin68
Jan 15 13 5:26 PM. Edited 1 times.
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