Dear NW, I really appreciate your courage and honestly to post your doubts here. It takes great courage to face our problems and I really appreciate that.
You are facing a tough situation, and probably tougher than I can imagine. So here is just my suggestion, and not sure if that helps.
I can relate to your situation like dieting. I want so much to eat a chocolate cake, but I am in diet. How can I abandon the idea of eating it?
First, try this exercise. Now, DON'T ever think of a "pink elephant" in your mind. Yes, a "pink elephant". Never think of it....
Can you?
By stressing to oneself not to think of something, probably, the thinking of it will be reinforced. When beforehand there is no pink elephant in your head, there is now! And very hard to wipe out the idea about the pink elephant.
If you feel guilty and blaming yourself on thinking about the pink elephant, you'll remember it so hard that it is even more difficult to wipe it out off your head.
So, accept it. It is natural to have desire and needs, like wanting to eat a chocolate cake. And in illness, it is even more difficult to control our thoughts. The more we want to control, the more we remember it.
So try to empathize with yourself. It is completely normal to have desire and thought.
And how to prevent oneself from action?
How not to eat the chocolate cake?
Eat some other things that give you some satisfaction and not adding your weight? Divert your attention by exercising? Do something you love to occupy your time and attention? Try to find out the methods most effective for you.
I think it is really tough. You have make a very important and significant step - is to face it. It is nothing easy for anyone. Carry on.

Last Edited By: WantPeace Jan 16 13 9:58 PM. Edited 2 times.