Self-flagellation followed by rumination doesn't seem healthy. Is this a pattern for you?

I may be way off. It just reminds me of my ex-DH: disconnect from "us"; watch porn excessively; feel shame; self criticize for being "bad"; ruminate; watch more porn to feel better; actually feel worse; self-criticize, etc.

I respect your openness and honesty in your posts. I hope you find peace.