WW, Vel is right. Give yourself time after being stable before making any big decisions. You loved your wife once, you may well be able to find that again, given time. Have you considered that some of your distaste may be just a kind of muscle memory? After 8 years of turning away from sex with her, that may be just the reaction that your body has learned. Do you think you could try being intimate with her a few times and see how it goes, if the feelings start to reverse? I don't think that telling her now and forcing the issue is the way to go - neither of you is fully healthy or in the right place to make a move like that, from what you've said.

I also want to thank both you and Been There for giving us fallouters some insight into the minds of our DSOs. I keep telling my DBF not to make any big decisions about anything now...he needs to get better first. If he wants to leave me then, it will be horrible and awful, but I will have to deal with it. But until the man who put a ring on my finger asks for it back, I am not listening to what the depressed one says. He is not that man. You were in an MDE for 8 years, and your wife stood by you - don't rush to judgment now. Does any of this make sense?