Could it be the d talking?  I'm not sure.  I do know I wrote this years ago:  "during my husband's last MDE, I found a list of things he didn't like/was unsure of/hated about me.  He left out open in a notebook right where I would find it.  It was devastating to read as everything he listed was pretty much a description of me.  He even listed the way we met as a problem.  He has since burned the list."  If he had felt this way when we met or married, he would have had no interest in me.  He truly felt EVERYTHING about us & our marriage was wrong...our sex life, our religious practice, which restaurants we ate at, where we lived (the city as well as the actual house,) his job, how we spent vacations, how we spent our free time, how we discipline our children, how we met, etc.  He also blamed it ALL on me.  Most of these things were his choices...with me going along with him.  He said I changed...he had changed & we had grown apart.  When the d was gone, the list was gone too!