This actually has nothing to do with my depression.  It has everything to do with 2 adults who have grown basically apart as lovers.  I love my wife.  She is kind and caring.  The reality o f this is that kindness and caring does not support a marriage alone.  I do not blame her for anything.  She has been the most caring person I know.  Once again caring is not the only qualification for a successful marriage.

Two people must have the chemistry and unrequited love that only a husband and wife know. 

It is a 2 way street. 

My mental clarity began last September, and that’s when I realized my love for my wife had evolved into something different.  Call it what you want.  Each of you may have your own ideas. 

I was hoping I was wrong about my changes.  There is nothing my wife could have done differently.  In helping me she has changed as well.  It has nothing to do with depression other than she thought I would be the exact same person she married. 

I am different. 

She is different.

No one could have anticipated this.

I spent the last 8 months sorting out my feelings. 

I have battled depression for almost 20 years. 

I have battled mania and have found my middle.

I have done some horrible things.

It was no one’s fault but my own.

My therapist had said that if this desire to leave was a manic episode, then I would have left long ago.  I would not have had any concerns for my wife.  Contrary to that, I was more concerned for my wife’s welfare than my own.  I wanted to stay to make sure she was on the correct footing.  This and many of my sessions with my therapist were about helping my wife.  In order for her and I to live our lives to the fullest, we must separate and move forward.  I have no idea what the future may hold. 

Remember all of us saying we can only lead our DSO to help, but we can’t make them accept help?

I can only offer marriage counseling to my wife.  I cannot make her go.

At this point I am at an impasse.