" I can only offer marriage counseling to my wife.  I cannot make her go."  I did not realize that was offered. 

And as far as change goes, I get it.  In the beginning, I wanted my "old husband" back.  I realized that wasn't possible.  We all change...whether d is in the picture or not.  I remember my husband telling me that he was going to make changes...I resisted saying he didn't have to change...I loved him just the way he was.  I finally got that he wanted to make the changes for him, not for me.  I had to support him in his choices & the changes...& I am glad I did!