Hi WW,

I'm glad I didn't offend or hurt you! I was really afraid about that as it was the last thing I wanted to accomplish... My point was really to try to share our experience and how we solved our problems. If that could help you or anybody, then it would be worth it.

if I may say so, your last post sounds more like your original posts, in your original thread. It feels, to me at least, more "honest", although this is not the word that would describe exactly what I'd like to say but I can't find a better one :-) And thank you for explaining your change in clarity. How you felt is clearer now. My husband described similar feelings, about is brain going in overspeed sometimes, or the antidepressants killing completely his ability to think when dosage was too high...I'm wondering though, and please take this from somebody who has no clue of what mania could feel like, was there a trigger that led to your change in mood, except for the medications? An event, a change, something somebody told you? Or was it purely chemical? 

I can completely understand the need to communicate with others you're describing. You're literally going through a life changing experience, and you probably need to find some answers and/or simply need to let the steam come out! It's a lot of change in a very short period of time. I was just concerned that you might be using these forums as my husband probably would have had, had he found them when he was cheating on me, by "luring" people to offer support and compassion, but refusing to look at what was really the problem. Which was very much detrimental to our relationship!

Now, if I may insist, I strongly encourage you to visit forums or read books about infidelity. It is far from being a trivial matter, and there seems to be a consensus that it takes 2 to 5 years to really understand and heal from such an event. It might help you understand what happened, and prepare you as to what you should expect from your wife, would you ever decide to talk to her. Deciding to talk to her will not necessary mean that you will stay with her in the future. But it will bring honesty back in your marriage. Which will be necessary to heal by either staying or leaving. That's something I read repeatedly on the infidelity forums from couples who had successfully recovered: talk about your feelings, in the most honest way. One poster put it this way: they are now "brutally honest" to each other, and they are now happier than ever. Not sharing your doubts, or negative feelings about your partner with your partner will only make things worse for both partners. It is possible to recover from such an event, and come at the other side a stronger couple. However, if you take that path, it will get worse, before it gets better! But it is definitely worth it.

Also, I never believed that you weren't doing "husband like things" as you said. I just had the feeling that your posts were off, for some reason, compared to how honest and vulnerable (best adjectives that can be given to anybody in my humble opinion) you were in your original posts. And this is what got me to believe that maybe you were using the forums like my husband would have had. I might be the one projecting after all :-P

Finally, you mentioned on multiple occasions that your wife always said she would kill you if she ever found out you had cheated on her. I think I can safely say that she won't :-D In fact, chances are you guys will stay together. According to statistics, 60% of couples stay together after a partner has been infidel, and told his/her partner. If you want to truly recover from this, she needs to be part of the equation though... All I'm trying to say here, is that despite what your wife says, she doesn't know what she would do. Before my husband cheated on me, I was convinced (I could have begged all my money or even my life!) that I would leave him if he ever cheated on me. And yet I didnt...

Sincerely,

TeamBB