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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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Updated : Response to What not to do- How to destroy everything you cherish Part 2 Jan 2013-March 2013
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Re: Updated : Response to What not to do- How to destroy everything you cherish Part 2 Jan 2013-March 2013
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Feb 27 13 10:15 AM
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Hi WW
I know I'm new to this thread, but you've helped me so much through your PM I just feel I have to jump in here.
So, I've just read this whole thing from the link you gave me about your story.
And I cried.
But at the same time, I felt enormous hope because, after all you've been through in your childhood and youth, you're here, holding down a job, working through your illness, working out life-changing decisions in a practical and thoughtful manner, you're taking your medications and therapy in a way that is working for you (and having the strength of character to change them if they're not), and you're on here helping other people with their problems.
Through all that you have still managed to help me to start to put things into perspective with my problems - and many others I'm sure.
You talked about your anger / apathy when responding to someone asking for a favour or an opinion, and I can see that that is what has been happening in my home. For so long my DSO took all the decisions and I'd fallen into the trap of letting him. And I can visualise so many times when I've asked for his opinion and he's become annoyed at me - asking me to take the weight off him.
In hindsight I can see that I should have made the more mundane decisions like what to have for dinner, when to have the groceries delivered (no, I'm not lazy, but two hours driving and shopping in a busy supermarket is just too much pain... ha!), when to do the chores etc... I can see now how I could have been feeding his depression (for the time-being I'm going along with the scenario that he is depressed). But all I could see was that he needed to tell me what to do otherwise he got cross with me for doing things 'the wrong way' (no pun intended..!).
So you see, through all this, all the pain you've been through in your life, you've got a good heart, you've got kindness in your soul and you should be so proud that you've done so much to help so many people in just the few short months since you posted here.
You NEED to look after yourself. I know you need to look after your wife also, but is that through guilt as she's been there for you all these years? (Sorry if that was too blunt) If you've grown apart, should you stay because you feel you ought to, for her? She wants a family - but is it right to bring a child into the equation when there are so many things you're not feeling together?
I totally get it when you say that a marriage should be made up of more than kindness and caring. But I also get what other people here are saying in that a little more time might make things feel differently - once you've opened up to her fully.
I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud.
But what I do know is that you need to be sure.. really sure.. (says she who can't make a decision and stick to it when the roller-coaster ride hits). But you get what I'm saying.
If you can feel that you have done all you can to help your wife through her anxiety and that you can't get your feelings back, or even good new feelings, then you'll know it's time to leave. As long as it's you making the decisions and not your BPII then that's got to be right.
We only get one life. And time ticks away really fast.
Take hope in the good things you've done so far.
Stay well. I hope you find peace and happiness.
-Done
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Updated : Response to What not to do- How to destroy everything you cherish Part 2 Jan 2013-March 2013
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