Head is clearing said:

WW - So when less than 20% depressed you felt sex drive improve. I have seen it seems to vary among other depressed people that post on here.

Yes , it vary person to person.
But my ex use to say her sex drive disappeared at times, especially when on meds.

My side effects are VERY UNCOMMON.  My sex drive in fact increased.  I had my doctor decrease 1 medication to gain control of my sex drive again. 
I do wonder if my ex just wants some passion and will chase this even if it doesn't bring a lot of joy.

I hate saying this , but that could be possible.  I am going to be blunt.  I did not want sex with anyone.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t want sex.  Masturbation was my option.  I see stories on here where the depressed person will seek a ‘No strings attached’ sex .  Of course they will never admit it.

WW- how did you get some love back for your wife? Was the love fleeting?
As in when you had moments of clarity? Or when you started recovering from the D?

Let me explain.  I always loved my wife.  I still do.  What was hard was that my major depressive episode began about 8+ years ago.  That is a long time to be depressed. She and I both evolved into 2 different people. 

While in depression, all I felt was:

1.    Anger: at everyone but usually at the people closest to me.  Where my anger didn’t show was at people I really didn’t care for:  strangers, acquaintances, and co workers.  This is inverted or the depressed person.  I’m not sure why, but I think it has to do with the inability to properly show love and affection to the people we love.

a.     Common ways to avoid anger:  preface any opinion or comment with : “Please I do not want to offend you with this comment ___(name)___, but I think _________.

b.     Always put a positive spin on everything

c.     Keep it light, and not too ‘deep’

 

2.    Apathy:  Much of this feeling ties with the Anger.  Anytime my ife asked me for an opinion I couldn’t process the request properly.  I usually came out with an answer: “I don’t know, stop bothering me.”  It can be as simple as a decision on ‘what to have for dinner,’ or complex issues like a wedding plan.

a.     This feeling is not a good indicator of their ‘real’ disinterests in life.

b.     Try to make the mundane decisions ahead of time.  Asking for opinions or asking for critical thought will incite irritability and anger.

3.    Shame & worthlessness: Best way to explain is the overwhelming feeling of ‘Everyone thinks I am a bad person.’ It is more prevalent in men.  While in depression I thought:

a.     I wasn’t a good husband

b.     I wasn’t a good provider

c.     I was ugly inside and outside

d.     I wasn’t worth the dirt on the floor

e.     Why was my significant other with such a loser like me

f.      All my co workers are getting ahead of me. I must be a bad employee.

4.    Pain:  Both physical and mental.  This is where my non stop crying came from.  I just wanted to not wake up.  For men this is hard to deal with since men usually “ do not talk about their feelings”

 

So to answer your question, my love never disappeared.  I couldn’t get out these 4 feelings.  My brain prevented me from thinking clearly .  My deductive skills were compromised, and I was ALWAYS defensive. 

As for moments of clarity.  It came and went with the wind.  My moment of coming out of depression fog was 5 months into medication.  We had to change medication once and continuously adjust dosages.)

 

I hope this was helpful.  Let me know how else I can help.

 

-Not going in the Wrongway