How do I put this?  Imagine watching a movie with a red filter.  Everything would appear red.  If depression was removed and mental clarity was introduced, I would still remember the movie being red.  Does that make sense?  If I felt it was bad, it was more than likely that I would continue to have those memories of those events being bad or pessimistic.  On a rare occasion it would dawn on me at how I was treating my wife, and how horrible I was.  Then the guilt would set in.