Kaye, you have to step back now for a while to start taking care of yourself, his illness is affecting your health and you cannot allow that to happen. Have you got a therapist/counsellor who can help you through this? You sound exhausted, emotionally and physically and for your own sake, I urge you to concentrate on your own health and wellbeing right now. I know you feel like you have no control over the situation at the moment because his behaviour is erratic and unpredictable and you dont, you only have control over your own actions,
hugs,
Erin