Oh Lord, I'm not sure what to say to the two of you. To me it reads like they are doing what Americans call 'the friendzone' thing. You know, where you can be civil and polite, but no obligations, no personal stuff, I'm not even sure 'friendzoning' is accurate, to me that sounds more like an occasional acquaintance. This can be dangerous for you as you have expectations of so much more as your feelings for the men you love are still there. I have been burnt by this one on a number of occasions, please be careful, I know how difficult it is to get your hopes up and then for it all to come crashing down again. You both know that the behaviour is irrational and trying to rationalise it will drive you nuts. Try to keep some emotional distance and be sure of what you are doing and what your expectations are. It is perfectly normal for us to still love these men in spite of everything as they are sick, but dont forget to love yourselves too, as they cannot at the moment and you deserve to be loved,
hugs,
Erin