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It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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Newbie in need of some advice
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Re: Newbie in need of some advice
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Whyhim
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Jun 7 13 12:06 AM
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I'm pretty much in exactly the same spot as you and I could have written much of your post, especially the last half. I haven't seen or spoken to my exDSO in almost two weeks when he had "perfect clarity" about being done with me (again--this not our first time at this rodeo). This only hours after professing his love and appreciation for being the most amazing person in his world and the best to and for him. The only problem, I couldn't handle a "friendship" where he gets all the benefits of me as his GF only on HIS TERMS but we're not "a couple" because he can't handle that and so he's free to see other women--the ones who don't know he's D and he can pretend everything is fine with. I was devastated and didn't know what to do or what would come next. Is this the end? Who knows. I sure don't.
It's been awful not seeing or talking to him. He's sent a few "breadcrumbs" about his cats but I haven't replied. Not because I'm trying to punish him but I finally realized that I keep putting my *!*$ hand on the same hot stove and then complaining that I got burned again. It's finally time for me to learn that opening up ANY conversation with him leads me down the EXACT SAME path EVERY TIME. The one where things don't mean what they used to or what I hope they do. The one where I love him and he doesn't love me back. The one where I get my feelings hurt and start this process all over again. I just can't do it to myself anymore. I love him dearly and I know any other relationship I have after this one will be settling compared to when things were good. But I'm starting to realize that even a relationship with him will be settling now that all the damage is done. I can't fix him. I can't control him. The only thing I can control is what I choose to subject myself to.
I still don't know if this is the end--should I wait or go? I hope and pray something in him heals and changes. If he were to send me an actual text that isn't just breadcrumbs I'd answer. But until that day, it's all about what's best for number one, and that's me. For now, I've been filling my time with salsa (better than therapy, I kid you not and I've never danced in my life), yoga, Zumba, meditation, reading, massages, pedicures, reconnecting with old friends, doing fun stuff with my kids, new clothes, new accessories, getting ice cream, getting flowers, getting some sun (Vitamin D)....you name it, I'm gonna do it--several of these things for the first time in my life. Even if it's just going through the motions right now; someday it won't be. I still feel the waves of intense pain, loneliness, and questioning you described but I'm spending less and less time there and I'm much more at peace about it all--just allowing those feelings to sit instead of trying to find any answers. I'm not in a hurry to get into a new relationship anyway so I'm just taking care of me for a while.
Big hugs. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this too.
Last Edited By:
Whyhim
Jun 7 13 12:36 AM. Edited 2 times.
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