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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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Newbie in need of some advice
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Re: Newbie in need of some advice
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Alice0915
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Jun 7 13 10:08 AM
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Thank you both so much for taking the time to read my story and respond! I'm so sorry we've all had to go through this situation. Big hugs to you both!
Whyhim - It sounds like our stories are quite similar. How long were you with him? Can you give me some background on how things unfolded in your relationship? Your analogy about putting your hand on the same hot stove over and over was perfect. I, too, have gotten texts from exDBF (this was during our break) and hoped it meant something, only to have the conversation barely go anywhere and then die out as soon as I stopped asking HIM anything. He of course would NEVER inquire about my day or how I was doing. I even had to change his name in my phone so that when texts would pop up, I'd be reminded that it wasn't going to be the same as it was in the beginning. But anytime contact is established, it does recreate the cycle of hoping things have gotten better and then being hurt all over again when they haven't. I think it's great you are strong enough and care enough about your own wellbeing to not even respond to his "breadcrumbs". I hope that if mine ever resurfaces, it's because he is ready to talk seriously about things and not just the typical "hey" that ends up going nowhere. What also hurts is his ability to continue his relationships with his friends and family, to the point that I think they're convinced our relationship ended because we just weren't right for each other. He seems to be able to fake happiness around them and fool them into thinking it was me that was the problem. But you're right, too, about the fact that we'd still be settling if we went back to them at this point. We know we don't deserve this treatment, and I'm guessing it'd always be in the back of our minds wondering if/when another episode was going to hit. I'm not sure I could live on pins and needles waiting for him to suddenly change his mind and disappear again.
Erin - thank you for the insights and recommendation on reading Anne's book. I have read some of your posts and you seem to really understand the issue and give a lot of good advice. Are you still in contact with yours? What is happening in your situation? Mine just turned 30 a couple months ago, and I'm starting to think this isn't his first episode. His mom told me that his last relationship ended 5 years ago, but that the girl was actually physically violent with him and it really hurt him. I've always wondered if he never really got over the pain she caused and perhaps he was always suspicious that I'd end up being the same way towards him. I think he either knows he's got D, or at least since I suggested it, he is now thinking that's what it is. He denied it the first two times I mentioned that's what I thought he could have, but then later admitted he thought it could be that. His mom told me that when she questioned him about why he didn't want to be with me, his response was "I just need time". I'm guessing that means he's had these episodes before. So here's a question: when people talk about D "going away/not going away" are they talking about for good or just the MDEs? I'm just thinking because I would imagine that there are a lot of people out there able to handle relationships pretty well with a lower level of D, but it seems like it's the MDEs that end up destroying relationships. It sounds like most cycle in and out, but are there some who fall into an MDE and never come out? I guess in some ways it doesn't matter, though, because if the MDEs are going to resurface at some point, it's still just means having a relationship with a ticking bomb.
Thank you both so much for your responses - hugs to you both!! Here's hoping we can all get through this eventually...
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