Well fellow fallouters, unexpectedly, I got a response to my letter. The relevant bits (not too personal) are below, do I read this as he believes our relationship contributed to his 'stress' and this was a view supported by the professionals? Is he saying if we rewound 5 years ago, he wouldnt have got involved with me? Questions that will never be answered by him, but I would appreciate your views,
regards,
Erin
Just to add, I havent and wont be responding, there is no point, so any comments from you at this stage are academic.

I know that you have some very good friends and I'm glad of that. Good friends like you have are a sure sign of the wonderful person that you are. I'm the complete opposite. I hardly have a friend left in the world. You said something to me once about it being difficult when we start burying our peers but unfortunately I've been doing it for a long time. I started burying my friends when I was still in my teens and it has just kept going on. I never thought I'd last as long as I already have to be honest. I can understand that you never want to be my friend, I understand all too well and fully understand your reasons. I'd like to think that we could be friends but can completely understand your reasoning. As is usual you make perfect logical sense.

As far as decisions and consequences go I have never fully explained myself as to the way things turned out and don't really want to go into it too deeply as I feel it could hurt you more which I most definitely don't want to do. I have already hurt you more than I ever wanted to and a lot more than you deserve.

When I met you 5 years ago I was indeed looking for a relationship and was blessed to meet a person as wonderful as you. I felt we had a good relationship but always felt guilty that in some way I was holding you back and it was impossible for you to do things that perhaps you wanted to do out of your consideration for me and my problems. As time went on and my feelings for you got deeper the feeling inside me that I was holding you back grew. I wanted to give you more of myself but found it impossible. Through talking with doctors and psychologists with what was supposed to be depression it turned out to be more of a stress related thing mainly through my work and where I'm living but also because i thought that you deserved much more by way of commitment to the relationship than I was willing to commit to. It turned out that as a result of my failed marriage and a previous relationship which also turned really bad on me I had commitment problems and although I wanted to be with you I was unable to commit in a way that I felt you deserved. This feeling only added to the stress I was feeling. I honestly thought I was doing you a favour by moving aside in the hope that you would then have the space to meet somebody else who would be in a position to give you the proper fully committed relationship that you deserved. Unfortunately in hind sight things did not work out as I had hoped and thought they would. I honestly thought that a person as wonderful as you are would have no problem whatsoever finding a companion of a much better quality and without the issues that I have. How wrong I was and all I can do now is try to live with the regret at the mistake I made. It saddens me further when I consider the effect that my error of judgement has had on you. I can truly say that I am genuinely sorry. If I had known then what I know now I never would have become involved but I must also say that knowing you was, and is, an absolute pleasure. I loved you then, I love you now and I will always have a love for you.

I'm sure if you were to weigh up all the pros and cons properly you would come to the decision that I'm not the wonderful person that you seem to think I am. Bastard by birth, bastard by nature!!!

No matter what I'll always be here for you should you need anything but I won't contact you again as I feel that every time we have contact I only hurt you more. Thank you for the friendship we had. You are without a doubt the finest, most wonderful and marvelous person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

I truly hope you find tremendous happiness somewhere along the road we plod,

Hugs X

Last Edited By: Erin68 Jun 13 13 4:29 PM. Edited 1 times.