Alice, I am so very sorry that you too have to go through this - I wouldn't wish depression or the fallout of it on anyone. Hopefully you will find this board and the many wonderful and strong people here, of some confort and help - it certainly has helped me to make sense of what has been going on in my life, and more importantly feel supported. You are right insomuch as the fact that family and friends who haven't been through this, don't really understand. I guess what you do have to remember though, is that they love you and want the best for you. My story is VERY similar to yours (please read my posts). I have done everything to help my now ex bf. If anything, I think that I've been pushed away because I was the person who helped him to realise that he had depression, and he could no longer hide from it. He now no longer wants me around, I am like poison. We had the most amazing, honest and open relationship, with lots of fun and play, and I genuinely thought I'd me the one (I've never been the type to believe in that malarky). I think that ultimately, like everyone here on this board will say, they have to want to get better for themselves and we can't make them better (no matter how we try - and I tried all sorts of angles). I don't know if this is truly the end of my relationship (it certainly feels it at the moment), but it is for now and the near future. I do know that I have to start to look out for myself. He isn't going to get better overnight, nor will yours - that is a reality. I am not sure that I want to sign up for the ride of being a doormat. It hurts too much. I'm going to go to counselling and I am hoping that this will help me regain some clarity on the situation for MYSELF ... help me to work out what I want. I don't think that I have perspective anymore, given that all of the focus has been on him. I think the key to this survival business, is to look after yourself and put you first. I think in a selfish way, this will help your dso. This, despite being told by those on the board who have been dealing with this for a long time, is something that I haven't been doing and I don't think that I really understood the importance until now. Perhaps getting some counselling will help, especially if you have had depression before. I certainly feel that this is affecting me - and not in a positive way.