Dont beat yourself up .. you are human.. i dont think anyone on this board hasnt slipped up in some way, shape or form.

The first time my exbph left me (he was gone 12 months that first time) I never stopped texting... I tried everything and anything to keep the contact going.
I was really scared that he would forget me. Looking back now I realise how needy and codependent I was(hence not being able to let go)
I understand how you feel physically beaten.. and I remember once telling my exbph I would rather he hit me(appalling to think that) as a bruise or a broken bone from being hit would heal a lot easier than a broken /hurt /sad heart. (NOT TRUE at all.. but I was desperate!)
I too remember waiting... waiting for that call or knock at the door, where he would say.. Ange Im sooo sorry, and i want to come home..

WELL I did get that... and I did let him come back home, which then resulted in him coming back and leaving 8 times in those last three years we were together!

Crazy.

Stay strong and take care of you

Ange

Take  what  you  need . . .  leave  the  rest .Blue_butterfly