That's one of those situations where you can't win, no matter what you do. 

The basic problem has nothing to do with anyone but you and your depressed husband. Nobody else matters, nobody else has a clue and nobody else can change your feelings unless you let them. 

My advice? Don't say anything and realize the biggest problem you face is how you react to the terrible event called fallout. If you refuse to let the mess control you, you find you have all the power and all the solutions. That's one of the few comforts you'll find at this time.