Hi rabbithole- Unfortunately I don't have any advice or insight for you... I'm writing this post b/c how you described your husband is EXACTLY how my husband is acting right now. It's like he went through a complete character change and he is also no longer the person I married either. It's very hard and scary to go through this situation and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

Are you going to counseling or seeing a therapist? Therapy has been helping me so much with this situation and I definitely recommend it.

Hugs, hang in there...