SufferingGF, don't beg, the others are right, been here before in the same situation, and again I am back. Did the whole begging thing, and the damage it does to your self esteem is hectic, especially when he pulls away even more. Been there, done that, and I don't think it is healthy for you.

This time I tried love and support from a distance, but I had a few days where the emotions went wild and I sent an angry msg. Well that was a BAD thing to do! So I sent a supportive and loving email talking about the good times and a few of the bad. Telling him I was ok, and that my family were very supportive of me and giving me a shoulder to cry on ... well huge ugly outburst. So now, I am healing myself. I love him, but like Cate, I cant take the emotional battering any more. I asked him not to contact me. Like all the others here, my emotions are Raw, discovering a few things by sitting back and thinking about stuff, and why I am constantly beaten by stuff that happened so long ago, but also stuff that is completely normal. And I decided today ... I cant be held responsible for him having a low self esteem (from before we met) I don't have the best one but I am sure as hell stronger than him. I cant be responsible for his D, only he can even though he denies it exists now.

I love him, never gave him any reason to think otherwise, he still was talking to me, but sometimes nicely more often cold, until the ugly email. Now I control it, he is not allowed to contact me directly, I am in contact with his sister and he can talk to me if there is a serious issue. But I have to be strong, and me again. I am not a weak person, but he made me a quivering mouse. What use is love when you cant speak your mind, go to work, or function as a person? Now I am in control of me, I don't sit with my phone next to me at all times (even if I take a long bath I used to have it right there) in case he messaged me. No, no longer, this disease has controlled me for 6 years. When I am strong, and when I can handle it, maybe I will msg him to say hello. I have not given up, but the sudden realisation today of what I became was frightening!!