Ange, thank you so much for responding (I was hoping that you would). My counsellor has said very similar things to you ... that it will take about a year, that she and I can work on 'moving on' together as opposed to needing him to do so. I also find that the only way that I can cope is to put it largely down to his depression. I wrote myself an email to him (not sent!) outlining the chronology of our relationship and when it is put in words and events one after another you can see where it changes and how ... it reassures me that I haven't made this up and that our relationship really was blindsided by depression. Like you say, it helps me not to blame myself, take it personally, or be angry at him. Perhaps I should have a healthy does of anger, and I do flip flop with it, but I can't hold that in my heart it simply isn't me. My struggle at the moment is that I don't want to be out of love with him ... I want him to choose to be in love with me. I'm not sure how to get to that choice ... but like you say, falling out of love is hard. I guess the only positive in that, is knowing that it was real and that we are capable of it ... poor consolation at the moment!!