Ange, I know what you mean about wanting to fix it. I feel disgusted with myself that I can't let go after learning about this person. I also understand GGForward saying how shocked she was. I feel that way...how could my beautiful, fun, family-loving husband suddenly leave me and cheat? I don't think there will ever be any answers for these questions, and yet I feel I can't move on until I get them. Part of me looks for excuses in his mental health for behaving this way...but they do have a choice.

Pennywise, if I allow myself to think about my husband being intimate with someone else I break down. It makes me feel so bad about myself like that I wasn't good enough in so many ways. I guess at some point that's something that you have to deal with with a counselor. I tried being mad, but it only made me feel bad. He didn't seem to care...and when I asked him why he doesn't feel bad for what he's done, he reminds me that he wants to kill himself. Hmmm...I guess functioning fine in all other aspects of life is a lie? He's making me crazy...