Proptart,

I guess my attraction to the marriage is a few things. I see him struggling at various times and of course I want to help him. He's the father of my children and the "old" person is the love of my life. I guess I always have hope and faith that God will bring that person back to me. For me, it's my faith, and when I give my heart to someone, it's forever. However....I do feel like I'm making baby steps towards grieving that old person. Maybe if I can grieve, I'll be stronger and able to move forward. It's a process. It's also very hard when you have to be strong for your children. It's hard to deal with your own emotions when you're tending to their every need while being thrust into single parenthood. When you get a minute, you can finally look at the situation more objectively, but when you're with them, you have to put on a brave face. And when they're telling you to have hope, it's hard to tell them otherwise. My DH has sronewalled me. For me it's hard to move forward without knowing anything....I really mean that. I realize that I may never get answers, but that's what I'm working on in therapy. It also kills me to know that the person I trusted in the most thinks terrible, awful things about me, and has rewritten our history. I'm a very emotional person, and to have him feel this way about me is almost unbearable. Each day I'm getting stronger. Proptart, I don't think you were being harsh. You were saying just what everyone else in my life has been saying. I had to meet with our financial advisor today and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm super scared to face this life alone (for now). I have to set a good example for my boys though...I think it's time. Thanks for a bit of a wake up call. Again, it's a process this healing.