"The only human alive who likes change is a wet baby."

I think the only answer we really need to know is they have moved on without us. It hurts to hear that......and even if you don't hear that, their actions prove it. I had to get used to the fact that everything I thought was a reality with my husband wasn't. Not only did I get the the , "I'm not in love with you" speech, I got the " I guess you were just someone who I thought could fill this great void I have in my life, " and the "I don't really like you or respect you as a woman or a wife, but I respect you as a worker and a money earner." Those comments were the few times he opened up about the demise of our marriage. My relentless pursuit of trying to figure out why why why why everything changed, and how how how can we fix it all....well it all leads to one place - I had to change.

Because he certainly wasn't going to. All the praying, begging, understanding, reading, learning, trying, wondering, crying, screaming, hurting, anger, confusion, determination.......NONE of that was, or will ever , change him to wanting this marriage, healing his sickness, or loving me again.

So, again, I had to change. My ways, my thoughts, my behaviors. my outlook, my hopes and dreams, myself. I have no family for support, and even with a few great friends, ...this was about me changing me.

Tough on the ol' self confidence sometimes, but not to worry. Eventually ya figure out that you are a good person and always were- regardless of how he speaks, or better still, doesn't speak of you. And the being alone part? Yeah...it can suck sometimes. The absolutely no family thing gets to ya at public holidays when you're the orphan, or when you get sick and no one is there to comfort or support you. I've had most of my life spent alone, and I see the absolute terror folks have of living alone without the comfort of a safety net or family. It's really not that bad....you will survive it....and you get to learn a lot about your own strength too.

But you have family- your kids- and you also more importantly have yourself. So work on that change thing.....the sooner the better.....for yourself.....not hopin' and a praying that he will....because frankly, he won't.