Losingsight, 

Your post made me cry!image The reason it made me cry is because you are being so hard on yourself!! You are going through a terrible, terrible time but the last thing you should do is compare your 'coping' with how other people are/seem to be doing. This is not something any of us want to be dealing with and it is absolute hell-but please, please don't feel as though you should be acting or behaving in any paticular way at all! We are all different and my emotions and perspective seem to change on a minute by minute basis. 

Right now I am eating a big bag of crisps for dinner and watching rubbish tv, when I still have lots to do for work tomorrow! I know that I should have prepared myself a proper dinner-but guess what?! I couldn't face it. So crisps it is. Lethargy!

However, this afternoon i booked a trip for my friend's birthday in a fortnight's time. I felt happy while I was organising that.

I woke up this morning feeling like a nervous wreck and couldn't stop shaking/feeling sick etc. Anxious.

These are just three examples of three of the extreme emotions I have experienced today. 

Please view yourself more kindly. You are doing amazingly well! 

In regards to the medication, I would perhaps seek a second opinion. I am certainly no expert, but I know that when the doctor recommended I take time off work my gut reaction was that this would not be a good move for me and I am so glad that I returned to work. This may change in the future, but at the moment the routine and the distractions are life saving! You are about to get into a new routine with your new job, you will be tired in the evening and therefore you will perhaps sleep a little better too. You can build in your meditation etc around your work and give your mind a well deserved break. These things could all help you to feel better WITHOUT starting medication with side effects etc. 

I hope you feel a bit better knowing that we are all sending you love and that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in how you are feeling. Whenever I feel the frantic, worried feeling where I feel like my situation is threatening to overwhelm me and suck me down, I post on here. I literally type out my feelings and there will be typing errors and mixed thoughts and raw emotion BUT it is so helpful and I always feel so much better!

xx