Angelwings, that sounds awful. It's amazing how these old patterns/lifetimes seem to just return. My DSO is definitely dealing with OCD and GAD more than D now, but the D was there over the last year. It's nothing compared to the last time, but still . . .I guess each time is different? And the combo of issues probably changes every day when they are dealing with different issues like that.

We didn't separate in the past. He always tried to fall back "in love." He was just emotionally blocked and couldn't feel anything more than affection for a while. (I'm making it sound better than it was). We didn't separate this time either. He hasn't acted on the obsession and has fully admitted he handled it wrong, that it would damage our relationship, and that he needs to deal with his obsession and insecurity. He is also on about 1/4 of his usual dose of meds since the doctors have been playing with them, and  he recognizes that is an enormous issue. 

That said, he had two therapy appointments this week and sees the pdoc on Tuesday, we had marriage counselling last night for the first time, and I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. We are handling this issue aggressively. We also updated our marriage contract to include the clause that when he is in an episode, he cannot take any thoughts that would damage our relationship seriously, and we can't separate over any of the thoughts either (unless, obviously, something dangerous was going on). 

I guess I'm lucky that he had his first major episode before we were married. Based on Anne Sheffield's advice, we wrote up a marriage contract that says he cannot get off his meds (unless a doctor says he should), he must see a doctor whenever I think he should, he must tell me when he feels sick, and I cannot blame everything on the OCD, GAD, and D if I am angry or upset with him. The latter has been the hardest to follow, since I project and get defensive. That has worked for us. Some would say it is too controlling, but our goal is to keep our marriage intact during these episodes and that's not an easy task, as we all know. 

I hope your DSO agrees to counselling and starts to realize he was wrong in the past, and should be again. It's so hard to think that your own thoughts may not be trust-worthy. (And that statement can apply to them or to us. . .)