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This message board is for the friends and families of people who suffer from a mood disorder.
It is associated with Anne Sheffield and her web site
www.depressionfallout.com
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Feels like I'm losing my husband
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Re: Feels like I'm losing my husband
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J27
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Mar 3 15 3:54 AM
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Sadwillow NO amount of force is going to get anyone into therapy, the text below is a response from Wrongway on how it feels from someone who is depressed point of view
Hi J27,
I’m sorry you had resort to this board for support, but I am glad you found us. I have been a diagnosed and medicated since January 2012. I have been a sufferer for more than 20+ years of my life. (If you are willing to stomach a long story with popcorn, read my 2nd link in my signature.)
As a normal non-mentally suffering individual, most people know that most feeling and moods dissipate with time and other activities. Depression sufferers do not have that capability. Remember it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Imagine feeling horrible, and everything feels that way. For many of us, we have been taught that mental illness has a tremendous stigma with the label. Somehow many of us, including myself have felt that mental illness equates with the words like ‘crazy’, and ‘psychopathic.’ This is farther from the truth.
The one thing that is going well with your story so far, is that you found his diary. I find it unusual for a man to keep a diary, and in my 43 years, I have only met 1 man who has kept a diary. In addition, he is aware of how he is feeling. Many men deny what they feel as a confirmation that they are not masculine, and that being mentally ill will somehow make them less of a man.
So …let me tell you that depression will skew and distort meanings of every interaction. He is more than likely to be filled with tremendous feelings of guilt, shame, anger, fear, pain, apathy, irritability, sadness, numbness and worthlessness. The tough thing about this illness because of the chemical imbalance within the brain, the feeling NEVER goes away. It may wax or wane, but it is overwhelming and almost screaming at us at times. Even with presented with pleasurable activities, the ability to feel enjoyment is not possible. For me, it was baseball. I loved baseball all my life, but when I was depressed I avoided it like the plague. Baseball was my passion. It is even a borderline obsession. During my depression all my buddies wanted to go play. The first time in my entire life, I declined playing even though there was no reasonable excuse not to play.
I am going to try to decipher some of the things he might have interpreted from your interactions.
... I have always been honest with him and told him he needs help he doesn't appear to like me telling him he needs help and likewise the Psychologist who he said was useless told him the truth too that he needs to get his head out of the sand and deal with his issues.
“Everytime you tell me I need help makes me a worthless man/husband/provider. I must really suck. You don’t need me and the doctor is so f*cking useless. His diagnosis is attacking who I am. I will deal with my own sh!t because I am the man of the household. I don’t need any of your f*cking opinions, because they are belittling and attacking me.
I highly doubt the doctor told him to ‘get his head out of the sand.’ But I do not deny the fact that this is what he heard.
He has been gone for 11 months, we had been married 30 years and all was really good until he was bullied in the workplace.
Quite often, a major external event will kick start a clinical depression.
I've had anxiety attacks myself and agoraphobia so I know it isn't easy but I didn't push my family and loved ones away.
I’m not too familiar with anxiety attacks, but I do know someone who has a major depressive episode (MDE) will not feel better with time without therapy and/or medication.
I've been told by him this is not my fault and now he's looking to blame me, it's gone from saying he loves me and doesn't know and now saying it will be better if we are not together as we will only end up hurting each other and he does not want to hurt me emotionally but what he's doing is hurting me., he says he feels guilty and it hurts him to see me? He says he has no choice but to live alone to control his own food, shopping and cleaning and he does not wish any of us to know where he is living, he seems to have a lot of control issues?
It’s not control issues. He has all these horrible feelings screaming in his head that the only way to find some sort of rest is either sleeping or solitude.
I wonder if I have gone too far?
No. The path he has been forced upon is not an easy journey. Don’t feel like you have to give yourself up in order to make him feel better. For my soon to be ex wife (STBEW) she set some guidelines for me to never cross. No cheating, lying, abuse, belittling, drugs, overspending, or anything detrimental to her or her family. Unfortunately I broke many of those lines. You will be able to see that within my story.
I hope things get better soon, but remember, you are not alone.
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