J27 - thank you for taking the time to explain anxiety attacks and coping mechanisms. I read in other places too that one must first fully accept anxiety and understand that it won't kill you. A lot of the information I got was from the book My Age of Anxiety and also works of Claire Weekes. I collected all this info and sent it to him. It's unbelievable how many hours of "research" I have done on anxiety and depression.

I think you are amazing. A lot of people with anxiety disorders go on to develop depression, but here you are, standing tall and strong, dealing with your husband's depression. You truly are a brave woman.

My ex suffers from self-hate and constantly ruminates over negative things. I did some research on why depressed people do this, sent him that info, sent him how mindfulness meditation can help, sent him testimonials from people who have successfully gotten better with mindfulness. I agree that "breathing" in the midst of an anxiety attack is easier said than done! I told him to get on antidepressants and then begin meditation. I explained how meditation can help :

"The reason mindfulness meditation starts with breathing and basic body sensation and awareness is because it will eventually lead you to a place where you start viewing your brain as a natural extension of your body, and your “self” as something different. You will reach a place where you will be able to see the negative thoughts “pass through” your brain, which is just another organ in your body. “You”, who is not your brain, will be removed from those thoughts and will be able look at it with compassion and forgiveness. “You” will be able to de-fuse from the thoughts. Once “you” begin de-fusing from those thoughts, your mood will begin to get lighter, and de-fusing will become easier and easier as your mood lightens. Eventually the thoughts will just come and go through your brain, just as it should for any healthy human being, without you getting bogged down by it."

I'm trying to be his therapist when he has thrown me out of his life! Why am I doing this to myself? My friend asked me, "Do you think he would ever care 10% the amount you care for him? Do you think he would ever do what you are doing for him?" I know the answer is No. Yet, why do I feel the need to help him?

I agree J27 - he is the only person who can help himself, and if he hasn't done it in 15 years I don't think he will suddenly do it. I hope my letters make him see some sense.

Last Edited By: lotus Apr 30 15 2:46 PM. Edited 1 times.