Sorry you're in this situation creed612. Unfortunately, this behavior is very typical of depression - including the not being sure what to do. But, I don't think it's unreasonable to want him to be willing to work on your relationship. It just sounds like right now he doesn't know, which could definitely be the depression messing with his thoughts. Until he gets help for himself it's hard to help the relationship. If you try to fix the relationship now, you're basically trying to fix it with depression and not with him, which may not go very far. That being said, it's important for you to have boundaries for your own sanity.

From what I've read, if he's thinking about going of his meds, he needs to talk to a qualified professional (doctor, psychiatrist) about that first. He shouldn't just decide to do it cold turkey on his own. Things could go badly. Perhaps his current medication needs to be adjusted? Is he willing to talk to someone about his medication to try and get it sorted out? Is he in therapy? It sounds like this could be very beneficial for him.

As for contact - that's hard to say. If it were me, and I wasn't done with the relationship, I would be open to contact but I don't think that I would initiate unless there were some legitimate reason I needed to know something (ie. one of the kids is ill). If there is a way you can let him know you are there without getting drawn in too deep...I guess that's the way to do it. If you're finding yourself feeling stressed out and terrible, then maybe you need to cut back on contact with the depression and focus on doing things that help you feel good.

Hope something I said help. Take care of yourself