Hi purgatory - so sorry you have to be here

It sounds like you have a very good handle on things. It also sounds like you have a friend who understands. Her advice to leave him be - give him space is spot on. THe push pull you are experiencing is classic. It is as if they don't want you around, but can't figure out how not to have you in their lives

I am nearly a year in fallout and finally have stopped obsessing - I still do at times, or i wouldn't be on the board - but the daily worry and wonder has disapated and I can say without hesitation that the one piece of advice I wish I had taken sooner was to cease contact with him. I tried on and off, but any reach out from him foiled me. I have not spoken to him since March and I am finally coming to a much better place.

Give him space - you are right that therapy alone is not enough. You ought let him do the work of himself. I know it is unbearably difficult - but it is for you own good.

Hang with us here - we understand