It sounds like he should really be seeing a therapist for himself. I've read that seeing a marriage counselor while they're in an episode is really not beneficial because it's basically they're mental illness in the session. And you can't reason with mental illness, so it ends up being disastrous. Try and remember this too when you're dealing with him. It's his mental illness that you're conversing with. This might help you to stay calm. Hell, I sometimes picture my xDGF as the girl from the exorcist with her head spinning around.

But him not wanting to go on meds and not wanting to go to therapy are not good signs that he wants to get help. Until he wants that, things may not get better. So I think it would be a good idea to really just focus on you and your kids for now. Are you still talking to a therapist individually about what's going on? This may be beneficial for you. Are there things you can do to take your mind off what's going on?

Definitely read Anne's books though for more info on what's happening and what you can do. They are so good.

Also, that's good that your accounts aren't merged so his credit card debt won't affect you.

You will be okay. Regardless of what happens, you will be okay.