HI Lasthope

You have been a tower of strength for your bf and have certainly helped him through very difficult times. He recognises this and in a way he feels perhaps like he "owes" you! But at the same time, his actions are not those of commitment and have been so hurtful to you. While you want for you both to be together - do you feel the same if he is being there out of some strange sense of duty? As horrible as the situation is, it sounds like you want him to choose you, but also for the right reasons ( which is completely normal thinking).

Your BF definitely is struggling with depression but I agree with J27 that you need to have sound boundaries and recognition of your own needs if you are there for him. That is is alright to feel he should not be kissing other girls, that it is alright to feel he should say he loves you, that it is alright to feel upset if he shows complete disregard to you in creating such confusion. This is really clear in " I feel so hurt and angry and confused that I can't think straight. I DO want to be with him, I want him to get better and I want us to be together. I can deal with his depression, I can support him through it, but I can't deal with this. I feel like he's weighing up which option is best for him - fight for me, or go to her."

Can you say all of this to him (write it to him or text it to him), and that with your relationship completely on the line that you have feelings to and right now they are damaged? You have a relationship in time with this fellow and when he can be so flippant in just kissing someone else, he needs to know that is crossing your boundary. You are not a sandwich waiting to be chosen - you have been there for him, are there for him, have supported and helped him ( which he recognised), but he needs t know your limits too.

I hope this helps. BIg hugs. It must be a very painful time and what he has done is so hurtful. You have every reason to feel the way that you do.