Thanks for responses what a great place to be if you are suffering or a sufferer, This place is a huge support.

J27 how similar I hear that ow and dh are often seen in the local .
Thankyou willow I often feel exhausted but I do have better days, its hard trying to rebuild my life but I will do somehow.
Balancingblue, thanks for recognising that its been a hard slog with happy bits on the way thats probably what kept me going.
Occasionally I feel that he abused my kindness, love, support, friendship etc . What he needs is helpbut I fear he feels he doesnt need it.
I do hope that my children see why I found I needed to take this journey with him, sadly he has taken a different path and im feeling it wont be
the one I will be following!!!