Thanks balancingblue,

it is so comforting finding others that are dealing with this same roller coaster.

that is a great way to put it "treading water." Yeaterday he threw a very small life saver my way. I had a small window of time where I saw my husband again. It stinks because you hold on to that little crumble hoping for another hour or maybe two more hours. 

Yesterday was our sons 2nd birthday and he came over with a cake and met us at the park. Their dad was there smiling and laughing! We came back to the house and he announced he would be heading back to his brothers, didn't even stay for cake with his son I was so disappointed in his behavior, I knew I couldn't say as much so with a heavy heart we walked him to the car and he left. A few hours later he called and asked if he could come hang out for a few? Was this guilt? Is he starting to miss us? Who knows, but I'll hold onto that crumble of my old hubby and wake up tomorrow trying to put myself back together. At least school is getting ready to start, something to keep our minds going.