Hi everyone. Thank you so much for your advice and support. It's been a very difficult and confusing week.

Basically I'm not entirely sure where I'm at. He went out with her and some other friends and he text me to reassure me that nothing "weird" was happening, and that he loved me. He even phoned me briefly to ask me something and ended the conversation with "I love you" which would have been heard by his friends (and her.)

He said he didn't speak to her about what was going on because it "wasn't an appropriate time", which I understand because they were at a friends' house with other people.

I went to his house the next day and he was optimistic and loving, when I asked him if he'd decided what he wanted he said "I want you" and I questioned him about his friend and then his mood changed, he became sad and distant for most of the day, but he never asked me to leave.

I sent him a text the other day asking what was going on with her, and he said "nothing". But that was it. We had a lovely day together on Saturday, but yesterday he asked for some space and spent the day at home alone. He still texted me all day, but he said he just wanted to be on his own.

I understand that this back and forth is very common in depression. I just wish he'd be clear about what he wants and what exactly is going on with his friend. He's at work today (she's there) and he seems positive again and has been chatting to me over text. It's so weird because he'll mention her so casually as if he's completely disregarding how it makes me feel. He's mentioned a few times in the past that he'd love for us to be friends and how she really likes me (I can't help feeling like that can't be true - clearly she doesn't give a *++% about me) so I'm assuming he's just trying to block out what's really going on so he doesn't have to deal with it.

So I still have no idea. We're not together at the moment anyway, and I think it's important to point out that he IS getting help and has a lot of motivation to get better. He's on medication, he sees a Home Care Team every week to monitor his progress, and he's currently on a waiting list to see a psychologist, but is considering going private so that he doesn't have to wait. I'm so, so proud of him.

So yeah. That's what's going on at the moment. It's just so frustrating and upsetting that he asked me for space and to hold off on any affection while he got his head together and fought his depression, and all the while he's been with her and looking for affection from her instead. Is it because she's someone new and I'm just a reminder of his depression? I wish someone could explain it to me. I think I need to find a good time to sit down and ask him what he wants. Even though he probably doesn't even know, because of his depression.

I think it's also important to note that despite his illness, he still has so much love and respect for me. I know this post doesn't make it seem like it, and what he's doing right now is horrible and I do not deserve it at all, but he has never been abusive towards me, he reminds me practically every day how much he loves and cares about me (which I do believe. I feel like a lot of it has just been buried under this horrible disease.) How he can't do this without me and how he wants me in his life, and he's so sorry for what he's putting me through. 

Which I guess is what makes all of this so difficult.