I've been away from this site for almost a decade, but I'm wondering if there are still some long-time posters who have deal with these issues repeatedly. My husband went through the "I'm not in love with you" depressive episode almost a decade ago, and things settled down (seemingly) perfectly once we found the right med combo. We got married, bought a house, had a baby--then the OCD/Anxiety/Depression started again. Now we are two years into the latest episode and have tried many options--new drugs, new therapists, a CBT trial study at a major university--and nothing has worked. He wound up in the "trial" group of said study and was off his meds this summer, so now we are just a mess. Last week he told me that he has recently been having a ton of anxiety about his lack of sexual experience with other people (since we were so young when we started dating) and he would like to "experiment" with other people. he really meant he wanted to sleep with a few other women, and figured he might as well be fair.
I know his OCD is out of control and it means he cannot control his thoughts.
I know he brought this up because he didn't want to cheat.
But he had been telling me he was doing much better since he was back on his meds. Apparently he didn't think this obsessive thought was like the others, so it must be rational. And maybe it was.
This was one issue I never thought we would ever deal with. It was one of the few ways I knew I could always rely on him. And he brought it up just as we were about to try for a second child, which is clearly completely off the table.
Do people really go through life without trusting their partners? Can I honestly believe him if claims he now realizes it was an obsessive thought that he didn't recognize as one because usually the out of control thoughts are more existential?
Anne Sheffield had told me we should regularly check in with how he was doing but I should not be in some sort of controlling role. I agree with that. . .but if he isn't following through with CBT exercises and isn't thinking of my feelings, I feel as though he isn't someone I can trust to handle his own medical care.
I'm sorry this is so long. I stupidly didn't think I would be back in this state, and would appreciate any words of wisdom from people. I'm not even used to thinking about these issues and now I'm wondering about a lifetime like this.




