Sorry for this post. I just feel so tired, sad, angry and just feel like I've had enough of my DH. We've been together 14 years. His depression started a few years ago.Â
 Of course it's hard when he's in his episodes and he doesn't talk to me and looks at me with anger and blame. But even when he's not in an episode i feel so anxious around him. I feel like I need to pretend to be happy when I'm not. That I cannot lean on him to support me. As well he never tells me that he loves me and we rarely have sex. The past year it's gotten worse and he is unemployed and isolated from everyone.Â
 I know I'm supposed to take care of myself during this time but it's tough when I can't even relax in my own home.Â
 I want to tell him how unhappy I am and that I'm not sure how much longer I can do this for and that I think he should move back in with his parents. But then I fear he will kill himself. He has strong suicidal thoughts. I told him a boundary of our relationship was that he needs to see a therapist. He saw one for 2 months then quit her 2 weeks ago because he said she wasn't helping. I told him that he knows how important this is to me and haven't brought it up again. I have no idea where's he's at with finding a new one. I researched and gave him a list too.Â
 I just feel so stuck and that I have this heavy weight on me. I know I'm not supposed to be responsible for him but I do since he's so irrational. I am not a religious person. He is catholic but I just feel like I want to leave it up to God and let go of all the fears I have of what will happen to him.Â
 Of course it's hard when he's in his episodes and he doesn't talk to me and looks at me with anger and blame. But even when he's not in an episode i feel so anxious around him. I feel like I need to pretend to be happy when I'm not. That I cannot lean on him to support me. As well he never tells me that he loves me and we rarely have sex. The past year it's gotten worse and he is unemployed and isolated from everyone.Â
 I know I'm supposed to take care of myself during this time but it's tough when I can't even relax in my own home.Â
 I want to tell him how unhappy I am and that I'm not sure how much longer I can do this for and that I think he should move back in with his parents. But then I fear he will kill himself. He has strong suicidal thoughts. I told him a boundary of our relationship was that he needs to see a therapist. He saw one for 2 months then quit her 2 weeks ago because he said she wasn't helping. I told him that he knows how important this is to me and haven't brought it up again. I have no idea where's he's at with finding a new one. I researched and gave him a list too.Â
 I just feel so stuck and that I have this heavy weight on me. I know I'm not supposed to be responsible for him but I do since he's so irrational. I am not a religious person. He is catholic but I just feel like I want to leave it up to God and let go of all the fears I have of what will happen to him.Â




