Hi everyone, I'm new here. I came across this forum when looking for suggestions as to how to help my husband.
A bit of background, I'm no stranger to depression having suffered through it for about 8 years during my teenage and early adult years. I kicked it pretty successfully and would say I have a very happy life in general.
I met the love of my life in University and we dated for 7 years before we got married last year around February. He's an incredibly stable pretty unemotional guy, but he's showing a lot of signs of depression. Part of the problem is that I had to move country in October. I got an amazing job offer and he encouraged me to take it. He couldn't join me straightaway because of visa issues and now he's not sure he wants to move at all, given that my contract is only for 2 years. It's the only thing we've ever fought about because of course, I want him to move back here.
He recently started a new job working for a startup and he now works 10-12 hours a day, including weekends. I'm 99% convinced that the depression he's suffering is due to an extended period of extreme stress from his job. The simple solution would be to leave his job, but he enjoys parts of it and he sees great potential in the company and keeps hoping things will improve so he won't have to work so hard. He's also very cautious and often has the attitude that if you have something that sort of works, why throw it away in the hopes of something better?
Every time I talk to him I make suggestions and try to help him but he won't hear me (haven't we all been there!). I keep trying to tell him to take care of himself and put himself before his job, e.g. spend some time with friends and get some exercise, but he just does not see it as an option. He's incredibly loyal and feels like the company would fall apart without him.
I'm trying to be supportive and not give up on him but finding it difficult from the long distance. I feel completely helpless and frustrated. I make an effort to talk to him every day but he's always miserable and tired. I can tell he needs me and doesn't want me to hang up but he either is completely silent (often because he's still working at home) or he complains and makes fatalistic comments like "this is what all jobs are like and it'll never get better" and "nothing ever works" and "everything is always so hard".
Trying to be upbeat and cheer him up with stories from my work and my new home has very little effect and like I said when we talk about this, he simply sees no way out and will not listen to anything I say.
Long distance relationships are difficult at the best of times but right now, it doesn't feel like we have a marriage at all. There's nothing in our conversations and every day I can feel him slipping further and further away from the man I married.
Does anyone have any advice supporting a stressed and depressed partner from a distance? How do I convince him to value himself and take more time for himself?
A bit of background, I'm no stranger to depression having suffered through it for about 8 years during my teenage and early adult years. I kicked it pretty successfully and would say I have a very happy life in general.
I met the love of my life in University and we dated for 7 years before we got married last year around February. He's an incredibly stable pretty unemotional guy, but he's showing a lot of signs of depression. Part of the problem is that I had to move country in October. I got an amazing job offer and he encouraged me to take it. He couldn't join me straightaway because of visa issues and now he's not sure he wants to move at all, given that my contract is only for 2 years. It's the only thing we've ever fought about because of course, I want him to move back here.
He recently started a new job working for a startup and he now works 10-12 hours a day, including weekends. I'm 99% convinced that the depression he's suffering is due to an extended period of extreme stress from his job. The simple solution would be to leave his job, but he enjoys parts of it and he sees great potential in the company and keeps hoping things will improve so he won't have to work so hard. He's also very cautious and often has the attitude that if you have something that sort of works, why throw it away in the hopes of something better?
Every time I talk to him I make suggestions and try to help him but he won't hear me (haven't we all been there!). I keep trying to tell him to take care of himself and put himself before his job, e.g. spend some time with friends and get some exercise, but he just does not see it as an option. He's incredibly loyal and feels like the company would fall apart without him.
I'm trying to be supportive and not give up on him but finding it difficult from the long distance. I feel completely helpless and frustrated. I make an effort to talk to him every day but he's always miserable and tired. I can tell he needs me and doesn't want me to hang up but he either is completely silent (often because he's still working at home) or he complains and makes fatalistic comments like "this is what all jobs are like and it'll never get better" and "nothing ever works" and "everything is always so hard".
Trying to be upbeat and cheer him up with stories from my work and my new home has very little effect and like I said when we talk about this, he simply sees no way out and will not listen to anything I say.
Long distance relationships are difficult at the best of times but right now, it doesn't feel like we have a marriage at all. There's nothing in our conversations and every day I can feel him slipping further and further away from the man I married.
Does anyone have any advice supporting a stressed and depressed partner from a distance? How do I convince him to value himself and take more time for himself?




