I know I use this board as some maddening diary of my own thoughts sometimes.
i just wanted to say sorry everyone. I have been here several times since the awfulness of weds and Thursday but have struggled to speak. I've read all your updates and am struggling to add my support but you all have it, each and every one of you.
i feel like now I'm an outsider. Like ive made the ultimate betrayal of saying no to the xdso. We all spend so much of our lives trying to be there for them. Willing our love and kindness will make them well. And then mine can back and offerred everything I and we crave. And I said no.
i know this is totally stupid and irrational but now I feel I am to blame. He will blame me for everything that happens to him from that point forward. I've broken and destroyed the shred of what keeps him tethered.
i didn't even realise I did keep him the there'd. He didn't bother to tell or show me until after it was too late. After he'd almost destroyed me, my confidence, my self esteem, my own worth. And now I feel cruel. It almost feels like I imagined it all. Everything he put me through. That the man who begged and told me he loves me was there all along and it was me that ##@%+$ it up.
i know that's not true at all but it sure feels like it now.
friday he kept sending me work type emails (well copied me in on his work arguments) even though we both off work on leave. I ignored them. He emailed my personal email address telling me what to do with his stuff. Then sent me texts telling me to read my emails.
hours later he'd obviously been re reading our texts and text making a comment about one thing I said about moving on. I had to tell him I wasn't doing this. That I was out and would be away all weekend. He apologised for bothering me.
since he has been on Instagram. Robin Williams quotes about plastering on a smile to hide how broken he is. 2 awful selfies that make me want to cry. Then another meme with a comment that he really needs a hug. They may or may not be for my benefit. Who knows.
im scared about what happens next. How he will cope. How he will try and get back at me. Make no mistake when he's angry he has a vindictive streak. We work together and God knows what he may do at work.
Im heartbroken, feeling guilty and terrified. For him and me. I so want to be there for him but I can't let him hurt me again. I can't.
so sorry if I can't comment on your stories. I'm with you all every step of the way. I just suddenly feel like the outsider and maybe ive broken the fallout rule or something. Silly I know.
and thank you to all for your support. And I'm sorry I made some of you cry. That wasn't intended. I've done enough crying for all of us this week believe me. Love to you all. Wonderful people xxx
i just wanted to say sorry everyone. I have been here several times since the awfulness of weds and Thursday but have struggled to speak. I've read all your updates and am struggling to add my support but you all have it, each and every one of you.
i feel like now I'm an outsider. Like ive made the ultimate betrayal of saying no to the xdso. We all spend so much of our lives trying to be there for them. Willing our love and kindness will make them well. And then mine can back and offerred everything I and we crave. And I said no.
i know this is totally stupid and irrational but now I feel I am to blame. He will blame me for everything that happens to him from that point forward. I've broken and destroyed the shred of what keeps him tethered.
i didn't even realise I did keep him the there'd. He didn't bother to tell or show me until after it was too late. After he'd almost destroyed me, my confidence, my self esteem, my own worth. And now I feel cruel. It almost feels like I imagined it all. Everything he put me through. That the man who begged and told me he loves me was there all along and it was me that ##@%+$ it up.
i know that's not true at all but it sure feels like it now.
friday he kept sending me work type emails (well copied me in on his work arguments) even though we both off work on leave. I ignored them. He emailed my personal email address telling me what to do with his stuff. Then sent me texts telling me to read my emails.
hours later he'd obviously been re reading our texts and text making a comment about one thing I said about moving on. I had to tell him I wasn't doing this. That I was out and would be away all weekend. He apologised for bothering me.
since he has been on Instagram. Robin Williams quotes about plastering on a smile to hide how broken he is. 2 awful selfies that make me want to cry. Then another meme with a comment that he really needs a hug. They may or may not be for my benefit. Who knows.
im scared about what happens next. How he will cope. How he will try and get back at me. Make no mistake when he's angry he has a vindictive streak. We work together and God knows what he may do at work.
Im heartbroken, feeling guilty and terrified. For him and me. I so want to be there for him but I can't let him hurt me again. I can't.
so sorry if I can't comment on your stories. I'm with you all every step of the way. I just suddenly feel like the outsider and maybe ive broken the fallout rule or something. Silly I know.
and thank you to all for your support. And I'm sorry I made some of you cry. That wasn't intended. I've done enough crying for all of us this week believe me. Love to you all. Wonderful people xxx




