I had a first time session with a new therapist today. What an amazing session. I wanted to share with you what I found really helpful.
I said to her, "I feel like I'm focusing too much on him?"
She said, " Well, that's just you criticizing yourself."
We outlined my support network, and I told her there are some people in my life who say, "Just move on already!!" And she validated that it's my journey, and I need to take it day by day, minute by minute... and that it is me that will decide if and when I'm done. She said, maybe you'll make that decision automatically in 3 months, or maybe this will be your path for the next 10 years. In other words, don't set expectations and let yourself down.
As long as I am also focusing on self-care, I'll decide when this obsession is over. I've set time limits for myself. I told myself, after a year, I will move on. And I got angry with him for overlapping that year by not respecting my boundaries. And I criticized myself. But really, it's just going to take time and support.
My point is, if you wake up wallowing, and need to wallow.... WALLOW. If you wake up and go to the gym, chat with friends, do some gardening... come home, and WALLOW, than so be it. But don't take the criticism from others as orders of action. And don't be hard on yourself. Thank people for shining a light on your path.... and continue.
Tonight, I feel pretty good about taking it in stride. I'll go for a long walk with my dogs, make myself a healthy dinner.... think of my kids and miss them. And deal with whatever tomorrow brings.
For me personally, it was very helpful. I do see a lot of that on here.... so, don't be hard on yourself. So what if you're still "putting up with that crap", and continue on your path. We are just commited and compassionate people.
I said to her, "I feel like I'm focusing too much on him?"
She said, " Well, that's just you criticizing yourself."
We outlined my support network, and I told her there are some people in my life who say, "Just move on already!!" And she validated that it's my journey, and I need to take it day by day, minute by minute... and that it is me that will decide if and when I'm done. She said, maybe you'll make that decision automatically in 3 months, or maybe this will be your path for the next 10 years. In other words, don't set expectations and let yourself down.
As long as I am also focusing on self-care, I'll decide when this obsession is over. I've set time limits for myself. I told myself, after a year, I will move on. And I got angry with him for overlapping that year by not respecting my boundaries. And I criticized myself. But really, it's just going to take time and support.
My point is, if you wake up wallowing, and need to wallow.... WALLOW. If you wake up and go to the gym, chat with friends, do some gardening... come home, and WALLOW, than so be it. But don't take the criticism from others as orders of action. And don't be hard on yourself. Thank people for shining a light on your path.... and continue.
Tonight, I feel pretty good about taking it in stride. I'll go for a long walk with my dogs, make myself a healthy dinner.... think of my kids and miss them. And deal with whatever tomorrow brings.
For me personally, it was very helpful. I do see a lot of that on here.... so, don't be hard on yourself. So what if you're still "putting up with that crap", and continue on your path. We are just commited and compassionate people.




