Anne,
It is coming up to a year since I had my initial severe drop in mood, resulting in the loss of feelings for my girlfriend, along with the usual symptoms that make up depression; details of which I have posted, asking questions and giving answers, over the year.
This time last year I was put on Cymbalta and have taken it ever since. I have seen my psychiatrist regularly, along with my GP; also I was visited by a consultant psychiatric nurse at home then I went to see them at the practice. Throughout this I have been waiting (nearly 2 years altogether) to begin CBT, in the hope that it will alleviate a lot of the negative thoughts about my GF, and myself. At last, the initial consultation is tomorrow.
Over the past 3/4 months I have been doing CBT skills and discussion with my CPN, particularly on 'all or nothing thinking', 'perfectionism' and 'shoulds, coulds and ought tos' controlling my mood in preparation for the therapy proper.
Although I can see that I am not as low as I was initially this time last year, I cannot say that I am happy with my progress. Having taken Cymbalta for 12 months, I can say that I was expecting to feel much better by now and be further along with my progress.
I am walking the dog daily and enjoying the time I spend with my GF moreso than I was. However, from time to time I still have those overwhelming thoughts about her: 'Am I in love with anymore', 'Should we break up' along with the thoughts about her weight, her looks etc. Occasionally I feel much better and look at her or think of her and KNOW I am lucky. I occasionally look at other woman and feel a prang of sadness, or perhaps, longing to be with them, thinking I'd be happier - is this even depression?
Aside from the thoughts about my GF I do not feel that the original symptoms of my depression have been alleviated at all. I have very little motivation, and get practically no enjoyment or pleasure from anything. I have no interests I can sustain and am still not at work. As for work I feel a great unspoken pressure to go back due to money; but I am unwilling, nor feel ready, with such unresolved symptoms still plaguing me.
I have mentioned to both of the CPNs I have seen that maybe a change in medication, or perhaps no medication at all would be worth trying. Neither wanted to commit, and said that ultimately the decision was mine. Whenever I see my psychiatrist he is of the opinion that if I am not worse, do not change. Although 'Yes' I am better than last year, I am back to square one of being originally unhappy and unfulfilled with life.
Perhaps, I needed just to get all this out. It just bothers me that I have such selfish thoughts concerning my GF, when she has gone out of her way to make my life better.
What should I do? Why can't I accept her the way she is, when she accepts me, depression and all. Should I change meds? I had suggested combination meds to my psychiatrist, but he didn't feel my situation warranted them? I know CBT is not the be all and end all of everything but, what else have I got? I may not be suicidal or house-bound, and for that I am thankful, but it is awful spending so much time in depression limbo; being unhappy, unfulfilled and having gone down all available roads!
Any advice, comments or even questions would be great, thank you!
It is coming up to a year since I had my initial severe drop in mood, resulting in the loss of feelings for my girlfriend, along with the usual symptoms that make up depression; details of which I have posted, asking questions and giving answers, over the year.
This time last year I was put on Cymbalta and have taken it ever since. I have seen my psychiatrist regularly, along with my GP; also I was visited by a consultant psychiatric nurse at home then I went to see them at the practice. Throughout this I have been waiting (nearly 2 years altogether) to begin CBT, in the hope that it will alleviate a lot of the negative thoughts about my GF, and myself. At last, the initial consultation is tomorrow.
Over the past 3/4 months I have been doing CBT skills and discussion with my CPN, particularly on 'all or nothing thinking', 'perfectionism' and 'shoulds, coulds and ought tos' controlling my mood in preparation for the therapy proper.
Although I can see that I am not as low as I was initially this time last year, I cannot say that I am happy with my progress. Having taken Cymbalta for 12 months, I can say that I was expecting to feel much better by now and be further along with my progress.
I am walking the dog daily and enjoying the time I spend with my GF moreso than I was. However, from time to time I still have those overwhelming thoughts about her: 'Am I in love with anymore', 'Should we break up' along with the thoughts about her weight, her looks etc. Occasionally I feel much better and look at her or think of her and KNOW I am lucky. I occasionally look at other woman and feel a prang of sadness, or perhaps, longing to be with them, thinking I'd be happier - is this even depression?
Aside from the thoughts about my GF I do not feel that the original symptoms of my depression have been alleviated at all. I have very little motivation, and get practically no enjoyment or pleasure from anything. I have no interests I can sustain and am still not at work. As for work I feel a great unspoken pressure to go back due to money; but I am unwilling, nor feel ready, with such unresolved symptoms still plaguing me.
I have mentioned to both of the CPNs I have seen that maybe a change in medication, or perhaps no medication at all would be worth trying. Neither wanted to commit, and said that ultimately the decision was mine. Whenever I see my psychiatrist he is of the opinion that if I am not worse, do not change. Although 'Yes' I am better than last year, I am back to square one of being originally unhappy and unfulfilled with life.
Perhaps, I needed just to get all this out. It just bothers me that I have such selfish thoughts concerning my GF, when she has gone out of her way to make my life better.
What should I do? Why can't I accept her the way she is, when she accepts me, depression and all. Should I change meds? I had suggested combination meds to my psychiatrist, but he didn't feel my situation warranted them? I know CBT is not the be all and end all of everything but, what else have I got? I may not be suicidal or house-bound, and for that I am thankful, but it is awful spending so much time in depression limbo; being unhappy, unfulfilled and having gone down all available roads!
Any advice, comments or even questions would be great, thank you!




