I hate to be just another person complaining about being down but right now I really just feel blah. And things are really going ok. DH and I are meeting
up this weekend to go away for the weekend(we picked someplace about halfway between us---a little getaway since we both have Monday off) and while I am
looking forward to it I am just kinda down, not really about anything i particular.
I guess maybe I just miss him. He was here for 3 weeks with only 2 bad days and one other bad evening, which is a huge improvement, and so now I just feel sad
and lonely. He's not a phone person, even when he wasn't in the middle of a MDE. I am the person who moved and while I agree whole-heartedly it was
the best thing and I think it has saved us, it still means I am in a place without a huge support network. I have made some friends but not ones I would call
up and be like I'm down and let's go do something. I miss my old friends(which he still gets to see), I miss having people to shop with, and just go
hang out with. Today it's actually pretty hard. Plus I'm tired, it's the first week back at school, I have students complaining about grades from
last semester and all sorts of other stuff that is just annoying. I thought I had gotten a handle on this all but then having him here and having someone here
to do things with for 3 weeks was so nice that now that he is not anymore it's just hard. I know it will get easier it's just not right now. I'm
still learning how to soothe myself and so I don't have that all in place yet. I really just want to call him and say I'm lonely and just talk to me,
but I know I can't. My T and I talked about it on Wed and he was like yeah, b/c when you call you don't know if you are going to emotional first aid
or a snapping turtle who is going to bite you. And it's true and I accept that, and I am working on me and doing things for me and trying to sort me out
while he hopefully works on him.
I don't know, there is also a bunch of stuff my T and I are working on and so I think the appointment yesterday stirred some of that stuff up and that
isn't helping anything. I mean it's important stuff and needs to be worked through. Sometimes I just wish I could come home and talk about it with
someone and really there isn't anyone. Dh can't handle it, and I get that, my old friends are busy, and I understand that, some of it deals with my
family so I can't call them, and it's not like you are going to tell new friends, yeah by the way I went to T today and am having a hard time because
of xyz. Kinda doesn't work. So it's hard.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I don't really think there was a question or anything in all of this. Just ramblings. Well, I'm off to clean my
apartment, maybe if it's clean I will feel a little better.




