I don't know how to separate what goes on with him from what's going on with me. My own history seems to have set me up for this role and I don't know what I can change anymore. I make a start on what I need and then get caught up again in his depression cycle. He has been this way for so long he believes he's tried everything and, in spite of long-term therapy and anti-depressants, he still turns to alcohol for relief (where he says he gets what he needs to go on) and snaps out of it until the next time - and I'm left feeling abandoned and exhausted with the effort of starting over again on my own life.

This is the struggle I finally got sober for after 40 years of alcohol abuse - I know that much. I got sober to fight for my life (and my marriage) and my sobriety is non-negotiable because it's the one good and selfish thing I've done just for me. I just didn't realize how hard it was going to be to set boundaries to protect myself. Any thoughts or suggestions would be gratefully appreciated. -Dena