After a long conversation, which I don't have the strenth to get into now, I told him I just couldn't do this anymore. He is cutting me off more and
more and it is way too much emotionally difficult for me to handle and I am so unhappy that I ended it. I wrote him an email, you can read it and get the
gist. Thanks to one of the board members...I took a paragraph from a Private Message she sent me and used it in the email to him, as it explained how I feel
exactly. He is coming tomorrow to get his things and it will be over.
Dear xx,
The first thing I can think of to say is that maybe the first therapist you saw in the city was right. Maybe sometimes love just isn't enough. I have always been a hopeless romantic, and I have never before believed this statement, but now, I think I do.
You have taken the past three months, and especially last week to contemplate our relationship, and you have not yet come to terms with what you want. I have stood there by you through this illness, and I have faced terrible disappointments. I had such high hopes for us and they are all gone. I was willing to give up the future that I wanted with you to do things in a way that made you more comfortable and I was willing to stick with you and stand by your side, despite your depression, the cancellation of the wedding and all of our plans to live a life together. You are not only the love of my life, but the best friend I have ever had, and all I wanted to do was be there for you during this difficult time, while all you have done is sabotage our relationship and push me further and further away.
This week has given me a lot of time to think. This has been emotional torture for me, and I have waited patiently for almost three months, in pain, just waiting for you to realize the amazing thing that we had. I know you did none of this to intentionally hurt me, and I do not question your love for me, but this push-pull dance is killing me. At this point, it kills me to say it, but I do not currently feel you are emotionally healthy enough for us to continue our romantic relationship in at this point.
My love for you remains strong and constant, but I can not compromise my own emotional well-being and integrity for the sake of "us". I wanted things to work out more than anything. But at this point, I feel that to continue to try and sustain under the current circumstances is not good for either of us. I am sad, but I also feel I am doing what's best for you, me, and xx, who thinks you are going to be her stepfather, and has started asking about the wedding.
I think you need this time apart without the expectations of being a couple so you can really work on yourself. I could go on and on about my feelings, how much I love you, how much my heart hurts, how this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, how deep down this is not really what I want...but the bottom line is that I want you to be happy, even if that is ultimately not with me.
Please let me know when it would be a good time for you to come (preferably as soon as possible- looking at your things is painful- this week when xx is not here) and get your things and the ring. You have a lot of stuff here, too much to pack and ship. We need to sit down and iron out some financial and logistical stuff, and I would like to say goodbye to you in person. I think you at least owe me that much. I do not plan on discussing the past or our relationship with you while you are here.
I pray that you recover soon and that you find love and happiness in your life. Please realize that this decision is not necessarily what I want, but what I think is best for you, and ultimately, what is best for me and xx.
With you, I can never say never. Perhaps in the future, you will heal and realize that your place in this life is with me. But for now, I think we will both agree that this is for the best. You will ALWAYS have a friend in me, and I am here for you whenever you need me.
I love you higher than the sky, deeper than the sea, and wider than the universe, forever.
xxx




