I think the hardest part is having children with mental ilness - It is hard being married to someone who has depression/anger - but to see your kids suffer is
painful. I am trying to be tough, the cheer leader but I feel weighted. I know and do all the coping stuff about taking care of me........but we live in a
very rural area - no knowledgable therapists. My sweet daughter, a high schooler. says traveling the 2 hours for therapy will cause more stress (she hates to
miss school) than her anxiety/compulsiveness. My son, in college but on the brink of failing due to anxiety/panic attacks : (, brain fog, refuses cognative
therapy - feeling it is a waste of time - he learned that from his dad. The kids do see psychiatrists who do not counsel as too busy. I do not want them to
grow up be partners like their dad. I am sad that they have not had the carefree life growing up that I had. I feel like the drama and instability they
witnessed growing up is the source of their problems. It took me 20 years to figure out what was happening (my husband's anger.....mental illness....) -I
was always trying to fix things, protect the kids, pretend we were the family I wished we had and thought we would.
We got used to the roller coaster (though I never fed into the drama but retreated with the kids). I needed to meet things head on - I tried soooooo hard to do the right thing. I was so confused . All through this difficult marriage I have put the kid's well being first - hoping that they would emerge without the damage they obviously have. I often thought I should divorce but there were soooo many good time and he was so generous and the kids often said they were so glad they had two parents as many of their friend's parents were divorced. We have given our children a lifetime of struggeling - I am sorry. And I wonder what to tell them.
We got used to the roller coaster (though I never fed into the drama but retreated with the kids). I needed to meet things head on - I tried soooooo hard to do the right thing. I was so confused . All through this difficult marriage I have put the kid's well being first - hoping that they would emerge without the damage they obviously have. I often thought I should divorce but there were soooo many good time and he was so generous and the kids often said they were so glad they had two parents as many of their friend's parents were divorced. We have given our children a lifetime of struggeling - I am sorry. And I wonder what to tell them.




