I just finished Anne's book and now have been scanning these message boards all morning. Frankly, I am scared to death. My husband just left for a Dr.
(his GP) to ask him about depression.
We have been married 11 1/2 years and have 3 daughters (10, 8, 5). Life has been good, great even. We are busy always moving because we are in the military. My husband is outgoing and has been successful in his career as a dentist and is now in school for orthodontics. He is charming, handsome, athletic and an all around great person.
From my perspective, he had a bout with depression about 5 years ago. We had just moved and he had started a new job in private practice. It was stressful and busy and we had just had baby #3. I watched my happy and hard-working husband turn into a sad and trapped man. He was so confused about what/who/where he should be. I tried to be supportive, but with a new baby and 2 toddlers I probably was not at my best. I barely remember half of it. During this time he befriended a female coworker. According to him, it never became physical but it was definitely inappropriate. Fortunately, we were able to move again and as he put it he, "saved us from that place." Things seemed fine for several years. Then, this past January I started noticing a change. He wasn't eager to be home. He worked longer and when home spent a lot of time on his laptop (which included secrecy). In late Feb. I confronted him about it. He suddenly came out with the fact that he didn't know if he wanted to be married forever. I was devastated. This was all news to me. He had always promised that marriage was forever. Soon I also figured out there was another woman again .
This began the last ten months of ups and downs. I love you, I promise I always will. I am no longer attracted to you. I promise I will get this figured out and I won't leave you and the girls. This is who I am, I have friendships with other women and you must deal with it. You are the most perfect woman in the world for me, I cannot imagine anyone better. We just don't fit together. Please help me, I love you. I think I should move out. I would never hurt you and the girls. We WILL get a divorce. I could NEVER leave you, I made a promise that I intend to keep.....and new just this morning.....It doesn't matter what I feel, I made my choices and promises and I have to accept that......I feel sick. This is in a nutshell, but hopefully you get the point.
Meanwhile, I turned myself inside out and upside down. First I tried to figure out what I was doing wrong. Then I changed. I found God. I became a super housekeeper. I take better care of him. I lost weight. I walk on eggshells every night not knowing who he will be when he comes through the door. I pray constantly. I read literally every self-help/marriage improvement book out there, I've Googled my eyeballs out, I've cried, pleaded, been patient, loving, understanding, tried to talk, left him alone, let him go, got angry, made up, beat myself up, and thrown up. I am so insane with this I want to take my girls and run away, and then the next minute I feel like the only way I will stay sane is to stay.
I feel like we might be going in a forward direction for once here. He has been to two counseling sessions, met with a minister, and today is going to a Dr. I should be happy right? I am not though. I am just scared and tired and as confused as ever.
Any thoughts, prayers, advice is much appreciated. Thanks to all of you who posted before me so I can read that I am not alone. Lynnie
We have been married 11 1/2 years and have 3 daughters (10, 8, 5). Life has been good, great even. We are busy always moving because we are in the military. My husband is outgoing and has been successful in his career as a dentist and is now in school for orthodontics. He is charming, handsome, athletic and an all around great person.
From my perspective, he had a bout with depression about 5 years ago. We had just moved and he had started a new job in private practice. It was stressful and busy and we had just had baby #3. I watched my happy and hard-working husband turn into a sad and trapped man. He was so confused about what/who/where he should be. I tried to be supportive, but with a new baby and 2 toddlers I probably was not at my best. I barely remember half of it. During this time he befriended a female coworker. According to him, it never became physical but it was definitely inappropriate. Fortunately, we were able to move again and as he put it he, "saved us from that place." Things seemed fine for several years. Then, this past January I started noticing a change. He wasn't eager to be home. He worked longer and when home spent a lot of time on his laptop (which included secrecy). In late Feb. I confronted him about it. He suddenly came out with the fact that he didn't know if he wanted to be married forever. I was devastated. This was all news to me. He had always promised that marriage was forever. Soon I also figured out there was another woman again .
This began the last ten months of ups and downs. I love you, I promise I always will. I am no longer attracted to you. I promise I will get this figured out and I won't leave you and the girls. This is who I am, I have friendships with other women and you must deal with it. You are the most perfect woman in the world for me, I cannot imagine anyone better. We just don't fit together. Please help me, I love you. I think I should move out. I would never hurt you and the girls. We WILL get a divorce. I could NEVER leave you, I made a promise that I intend to keep.....and new just this morning.....It doesn't matter what I feel, I made my choices and promises and I have to accept that......I feel sick. This is in a nutshell, but hopefully you get the point.
Meanwhile, I turned myself inside out and upside down. First I tried to figure out what I was doing wrong. Then I changed. I found God. I became a super housekeeper. I take better care of him. I lost weight. I walk on eggshells every night not knowing who he will be when he comes through the door. I pray constantly. I read literally every self-help/marriage improvement book out there, I've Googled my eyeballs out, I've cried, pleaded, been patient, loving, understanding, tried to talk, left him alone, let him go, got angry, made up, beat myself up, and thrown up. I am so insane with this I want to take my girls and run away, and then the next minute I feel like the only way I will stay sane is to stay.
I feel like we might be going in a forward direction for once here. He has been to two counseling sessions, met with a minister, and today is going to a Dr. I should be happy right? I am not though. I am just scared and tired and as confused as ever.
Any thoughts, prayers, advice is much appreciated. Thanks to all of you who posted before me so I can read that I am not alone. Lynnie




