This post is from the Archives.... posted by What the Hail(WTH) .. lots of good food for thought ..Ive also put the link to it at the bottom incase you want to read the replies too.
Self Esteem and How It Can Save You
WARNING WARNING WARNING! Below are my PERSONAL opinions. I am not writing to be slammed for my OPINIONS, just wanted to get a point across. If you don't agree cool. If you want to discuss cool, but please don't slam me.
You either have good self esteem or you don't.
Those who don't, do not often KNOW that they have poor self esteem, and because of that, may often find themselves in vulnerable or undesirable positions/situations/relationships; and often don't see a clear way out of them.
Those who DO have good self esteem are often accused of snobbery, conceit, superiority complexes.how do I know? I am one of them. I have been accused of conceit because I deigned to designate myself the Queen of the Universe. As far as I am concerned, I AM a Queen, but so is every other woman in the world, if she so chooses to be. And it IS a choice. (This applies to Kings as well.)
I have been accused of snobbery because I refuse to allow people around me who are not moving forward, who are not making their own life decisions, or who wallow in the same crap and don't try to get out, just keep complaining about it. (Many coworkers and fellow parents fall into this category.)
Example #1 an actual conversation I had with a neighbor just yesterday:
Parent "I just don't understand WHY Ethan (who is NINE) cannot get his homework done or clean his room it's SO FRUSTRATING."
Me: "Perhaps it's because he has activities from the time he wakes up at 6:15 until the time he gets home from soccer at 9:30, eats dinner at 10:00 and then collapses.perhaps you should free up some of his time."
Parent: "No, then he would have too much time on his hands."
Me: Thinking then WTF??? It's YOUR fault you're having these issues with him, NOT HIS.
Example #2 an actual conversation I had with a coworker last week.
Coworker: I HATE this job, I HATE this place, I HATE this company.
Me: Then why don't you go find another job?
Coworker: For what? They pay me well, I come and go as I like, and I get free office supplies.
Me: But you are miserable. No one has stapled your ass to your seat, and you are free to relieve the misery.
Coworker: Yeah, but it's the devil I know.
Me thinking Well then WTFFFFFFFFFF? YOU are your OWN worst enemy!
I have been accused of having a superiority complex because I refuse to entertain conversation with stupid people. I am NOT talking about people who are genetically deficient, mentally incapacitated, etc. I am talking about people who are FREE to make their own choices and DON'T, but then keep whining about the same old stuff. I have very little patience for that. (Incidentally, one of my sisters falls into this category, so I have no relationship with herbut I'm the bad guy.)
People who have low self-esteem have poor emotional health, and are more likely to find defense mechanisms that can become lifetime problems. Martyrs. Professional victims. Cyclical relationship rebounders. People who can't NOT be in a relationship, even if it's a bad one. The list can go on and on and on.
The Wall Street Journal says that we have an epidemic of depression in the United States. They define depression as "the result of our having used a defense mechanism, usually repression, to try to get rid of our anxiety. In getting rid of our anxiety we get rid of all our feelings, and so we find ourselves sitting on the side of a bed with one shoe off, but we just don't have the energy to remove the other shoe."
This applies to the life of fallout as well. It all begins with an inadequate perception of yourself - and with low self esteem. You have to have a foundation of self belief, self value, and self worth to develop high esteem for yourself. But if you can do this, you will likely save your own life.
I know that in no way, shape or form could I have dealt with the D/fallout situation with the love of my life had I had poor self esteem. No way in hell. And none of us are completely without fault in our relationships, whether D is a factor or not. But when a partner is D, and you add our own low self worth to that, dealing with the fallout makes it that much worse and prolonged because we see so much of it as OUR fault.
I think that, if you're in a good relationship that goes sour quickly and without notice (like mine), even if you do have good self esteem, it's hard NOT to look inward and see what YOU did wrong to make it be so. Normal, I would think. But if you have poor self esteem, and see EVERYTHING as your fault because that's what your depressed partner is telling you, HOW DO YOU RECOVER FROM THAT and see REALITY??
On a personal levelif I had not had good self esteem, I don't think I would have survived this journey intact. I don't even really know what I am trying to get across here except to say that, for those of you in the beginning of this, PLEASE look inward and build yourselves up before you try to deal with the outward situations. You will save yourself a whole world of pain and agony.
http://depressionfalloutmessageboard.yuku.com/topic/895/Self-Esteem-and-How-It-Can-Save-You
Self Esteem and How It Can Save You
WARNING WARNING WARNING! Below are my PERSONAL opinions. I am not writing to be slammed for my OPINIONS, just wanted to get a point across. If you don't agree cool. If you want to discuss cool, but please don't slam me.
You either have good self esteem or you don't.
Those who don't, do not often KNOW that they have poor self esteem, and because of that, may often find themselves in vulnerable or undesirable positions/situations/relationships; and often don't see a clear way out of them.
Those who DO have good self esteem are often accused of snobbery, conceit, superiority complexes.how do I know? I am one of them. I have been accused of conceit because I deigned to designate myself the Queen of the Universe. As far as I am concerned, I AM a Queen, but so is every other woman in the world, if she so chooses to be. And it IS a choice. (This applies to Kings as well.)
I have been accused of snobbery because I refuse to allow people around me who are not moving forward, who are not making their own life decisions, or who wallow in the same crap and don't try to get out, just keep complaining about it. (Many coworkers and fellow parents fall into this category.)
Example #1 an actual conversation I had with a neighbor just yesterday:
Parent "I just don't understand WHY Ethan (who is NINE) cannot get his homework done or clean his room it's SO FRUSTRATING."
Me: "Perhaps it's because he has activities from the time he wakes up at 6:15 until the time he gets home from soccer at 9:30, eats dinner at 10:00 and then collapses.perhaps you should free up some of his time."
Parent: "No, then he would have too much time on his hands."
Me: Thinking then WTF??? It's YOUR fault you're having these issues with him, NOT HIS.
Example #2 an actual conversation I had with a coworker last week.
Coworker: I HATE this job, I HATE this place, I HATE this company.
Me: Then why don't you go find another job?
Coworker: For what? They pay me well, I come and go as I like, and I get free office supplies.
Me: But you are miserable. No one has stapled your ass to your seat, and you are free to relieve the misery.
Coworker: Yeah, but it's the devil I know.
Me thinking Well then WTFFFFFFFFFF? YOU are your OWN worst enemy!
I have been accused of having a superiority complex because I refuse to entertain conversation with stupid people. I am NOT talking about people who are genetically deficient, mentally incapacitated, etc. I am talking about people who are FREE to make their own choices and DON'T, but then keep whining about the same old stuff. I have very little patience for that. (Incidentally, one of my sisters falls into this category, so I have no relationship with herbut I'm the bad guy.)
People who have low self-esteem have poor emotional health, and are more likely to find defense mechanisms that can become lifetime problems. Martyrs. Professional victims. Cyclical relationship rebounders. People who can't NOT be in a relationship, even if it's a bad one. The list can go on and on and on.
The Wall Street Journal says that we have an epidemic of depression in the United States. They define depression as "the result of our having used a defense mechanism, usually repression, to try to get rid of our anxiety. In getting rid of our anxiety we get rid of all our feelings, and so we find ourselves sitting on the side of a bed with one shoe off, but we just don't have the energy to remove the other shoe."
This applies to the life of fallout as well. It all begins with an inadequate perception of yourself - and with low self esteem. You have to have a foundation of self belief, self value, and self worth to develop high esteem for yourself. But if you can do this, you will likely save your own life.
I know that in no way, shape or form could I have dealt with the D/fallout situation with the love of my life had I had poor self esteem. No way in hell. And none of us are completely without fault in our relationships, whether D is a factor or not. But when a partner is D, and you add our own low self worth to that, dealing with the fallout makes it that much worse and prolonged because we see so much of it as OUR fault.
I think that, if you're in a good relationship that goes sour quickly and without notice (like mine), even if you do have good self esteem, it's hard NOT to look inward and see what YOU did wrong to make it be so. Normal, I would think. But if you have poor self esteem, and see EVERYTHING as your fault because that's what your depressed partner is telling you, HOW DO YOU RECOVER FROM THAT and see REALITY??
On a personal levelif I had not had good self esteem, I don't think I would have survived this journey intact. I don't even really know what I am trying to get across here except to say that, for those of you in the beginning of this, PLEASE look inward and build yourselves up before you try to deal with the outward situations. You will save yourself a whole world of pain and agony.
http://depressionfalloutmessageboard.yuku.com/topic/895/Self-Esteem-and-How-It-Can-Save-You




