Most of this is just backs story so I just highlighted the parts that help me ask the question.
About 2 months ago my girlfriend who I knew had depression from the beginning came home from a wedding she went to with her mom told me all about it and seemed fairly happy. With in 3 days something was wrong as she abruptly turned to me and said I want to go home. I asked why and she said it's because she is homesick and misses her family. We talked about it agreed on a time when she could take off from work and go take a plane trip to visit her family. Not even 2 weeks later she told me the day before she was leaving that her flight home was the next day. All she could tell me is that she is just so home sick and she wouldn't know when she would be back. She went home and the next week she saw her therapist. Not much apparently went on the first appointment other than talking and listening and then she told me. I need to be alone for a while to figure out who I am. Talking about how we rushed into things(9 months of us being apart is rushing?) and for now she would like to be single and figure out who she is. I was so shocked, hurt, and jumping to conclusions as to why she would say this. Like any fool in love I kept asking her for a couple of weeks what I did wrong and what happen? She would list some things and blame herself for not being strong enough or that she just didn't love me enough. But the one thing she wanted to do is stay close and be friends. So I did, knowing that she did want to try again once she figured out who she was. The 2nd time she went to her therapist she came home pissed. I asked how her appointment went that day and she lost it and ignored me for the rest of the night. I figured well I guess its ok she didn't want to tell me, maybe next time will be better. There was no next time...
Her mom who was paying for the therapy stopped and said I don't think you need it anymore. Knowing she is living with her mom she believed her mom (her mom hates any boyfriend she has and me the most because I took her daughter away from her) and knew she couldn't pay for any therapy herself. Trying to fight back I said she did need therapy, but she just ignored me. After 3 weeks including those that she was in therapy I kept jumping to conclusions of what could of happened at the wedding or what her mom said for her to come home. Her mom was the one who suggested to come home when they were at the wedding and her mom is the one who happily payed for the tickets and huge baggage fees. But all this time..the girl I fell in love with seemed to change and seem so differently and emotionless. Things that she would be sad about or be guilty about wouldn't affect her or any talk about us would upset her or she would ignore it. Then about 2 weeks ago she answered one of my messages I left. The message she answered was the last one I was ever gonna leave because I couldn't take it. I was telling her goodbye and how great she was in the relationship and how great we were together with no problems at all. She answered back saying she was so sorry and that she loved me and she misses me, but she wants to figure out who she is as a person before she can be in a relationship again. I agreed (very confused) and asked why didn't you just tell me this? She said it would of been unfair to me to tell me and wait for her. She then said that she was afraid that in the time I was waiting she would move on and not be in love anymore. I understood and said I will wait for you and be with you while you get through this.
A few days after she started to ignore me more like that conversation never happened. I got her to finally reply to me (online on a video game) and talk about why she is acting what seemed to be so emotionless at times. My guess in the first place what started this was her depression led to this break up and come to find out she said "I just feel nothing at times". She admitted to having depression again, I told her I understood. Now comes the break down of me...I killed the relationship..and no matter who tells me I didn't...I did..I am the one who should of been taking care of her. I knew she had depression I knew she was meds. But when she came to live with me over a year ago she was in debt ( her last boyfriend she was with, she thought she had to pay for his love..which led to most of her debt) and I was poor from paying for my classes for college. So we decide that she could be off them a while because of how happy she was already. We never did get her another therapist or refill her meds. Smalls signs that her depression was coming back eluded me until I think back on those signs today now that I've researched depression more. I could of just asked my parents for help for money but we were so grateful for them paying for the flights and taking her in to live with us, that we couldn't ask. And that day she came home from the wedding should of been a sign enough for me to call her therapist..I never did because I thought everything would be fine she seemed happy knowing we made plans and then we talked about marriage and kids again. I had her therapists card because of before she came to live with me, I went to her house to meet her parents and talk to her therapist because her therapist wanted to talk to me before we left. She gave me her card and said call her if anything comes up. All I can think about it is how I failed everyone..and most of all I failed the girl I love.
Now she sits at home in her moms basement playing her game or just listening to music. Isolating herself from everyone not wanting to leave the house or talk on the phone or even using the voip programs. About 5 days ago I told her she need to go and see a therapist telling her how much I care for her and want her to get better. She told me not to worry and that she was reading a book on how to help herself with depression. I took that answer for about a day and realized, depression isn't something you can just think differently and it will go away with ease. And here I am now telling her I want her to get better and she needs to see a therapist and always saying I'm here to talk if anything is wrong. Any time I message (message her on facebook) her about going to see a therapist and how worried I am for her she just ignores it. But then when I go online on the game we play together she acts if I never said anything at all..I'm afraid to push her while she is online on the game because it just seems to be the place she wants to go all the time to get away from it all. I want the girl I fell in love with back..I want her to get help..But my pleas seem to fall on deaf ears. For what little money I have i even offered to pay for her therapy appointments, but still no reply. I'm hanging on the best I can knowing that this isn't really her and that it's the depression talking and making her act. All my pleas seem to be failing...and now I look at her therapist's card and wonder if it is right to call her therapist and ask what to do. Or should I just keep asking her every few days or so about it? <<< These are the questions I would like to know. So if your busy and don't want to read the rest that is fine, I know this is long.
Everyday I look at how the odds are stacked against me in helping her and getting her back. My friend who has a crush on her and never stops to show it to me. Her mom who is so happy she is back home and never wants her to leave...No one to talk about this..my mom who is so angry if I ever mention her name...And the distance between us..It is just so overwhelming but I love her so much and our relationship was so perfect I just wish she didn't hold back so much and let it all explode like this..I want her to be better..I want to continue where we left off..getting ready to move out and for me to spend the secret saved up money on a ring. Please tell me what to do..I don't want to give up and I want to help her so much. It hurts so much to see her like this.
I am on chapter 3 of Depression Fallout. It is helping to know that this is normal and I'm not alone in this, but I can't stop thinking of how the odds are against me and how this is all my fault. Also forgive me for the long post.
Edit: I asked her again saying I would pay for her appointments..She just said no and that since she has a job(on call) she wants to learn to help herself and not rely on other people. I don't know what to do..if that is her thinking I guess I can't change it. Does this mean I should just leave her be until she does get help on her own?
About 2 months ago my girlfriend who I knew had depression from the beginning came home from a wedding she went to with her mom told me all about it and seemed fairly happy. With in 3 days something was wrong as she abruptly turned to me and said I want to go home. I asked why and she said it's because she is homesick and misses her family. We talked about it agreed on a time when she could take off from work and go take a plane trip to visit her family. Not even 2 weeks later she told me the day before she was leaving that her flight home was the next day. All she could tell me is that she is just so home sick and she wouldn't know when she would be back. She went home and the next week she saw her therapist. Not much apparently went on the first appointment other than talking and listening and then she told me. I need to be alone for a while to figure out who I am. Talking about how we rushed into things(9 months of us being apart is rushing?) and for now she would like to be single and figure out who she is. I was so shocked, hurt, and jumping to conclusions as to why she would say this. Like any fool in love I kept asking her for a couple of weeks what I did wrong and what happen? She would list some things and blame herself for not being strong enough or that she just didn't love me enough. But the one thing she wanted to do is stay close and be friends. So I did, knowing that she did want to try again once she figured out who she was. The 2nd time she went to her therapist she came home pissed. I asked how her appointment went that day and she lost it and ignored me for the rest of the night. I figured well I guess its ok she didn't want to tell me, maybe next time will be better. There was no next time...
Her mom who was paying for the therapy stopped and said I don't think you need it anymore. Knowing she is living with her mom she believed her mom (her mom hates any boyfriend she has and me the most because I took her daughter away from her) and knew she couldn't pay for any therapy herself. Trying to fight back I said she did need therapy, but she just ignored me. After 3 weeks including those that she was in therapy I kept jumping to conclusions of what could of happened at the wedding or what her mom said for her to come home. Her mom was the one who suggested to come home when they were at the wedding and her mom is the one who happily payed for the tickets and huge baggage fees. But all this time..the girl I fell in love with seemed to change and seem so differently and emotionless. Things that she would be sad about or be guilty about wouldn't affect her or any talk about us would upset her or she would ignore it. Then about 2 weeks ago she answered one of my messages I left. The message she answered was the last one I was ever gonna leave because I couldn't take it. I was telling her goodbye and how great she was in the relationship and how great we were together with no problems at all. She answered back saying she was so sorry and that she loved me and she misses me, but she wants to figure out who she is as a person before she can be in a relationship again. I agreed (very confused) and asked why didn't you just tell me this? She said it would of been unfair to me to tell me and wait for her. She then said that she was afraid that in the time I was waiting she would move on and not be in love anymore. I understood and said I will wait for you and be with you while you get through this.
A few days after she started to ignore me more like that conversation never happened. I got her to finally reply to me (online on a video game) and talk about why she is acting what seemed to be so emotionless at times. My guess in the first place what started this was her depression led to this break up and come to find out she said "I just feel nothing at times". She admitted to having depression again, I told her I understood. Now comes the break down of me...I killed the relationship..and no matter who tells me I didn't...I did..I am the one who should of been taking care of her. I knew she had depression I knew she was meds. But when she came to live with me over a year ago she was in debt ( her last boyfriend she was with, she thought she had to pay for his love..which led to most of her debt) and I was poor from paying for my classes for college. So we decide that she could be off them a while because of how happy she was already. We never did get her another therapist or refill her meds. Smalls signs that her depression was coming back eluded me until I think back on those signs today now that I've researched depression more. I could of just asked my parents for help for money but we were so grateful for them paying for the flights and taking her in to live with us, that we couldn't ask. And that day she came home from the wedding should of been a sign enough for me to call her therapist..I never did because I thought everything would be fine she seemed happy knowing we made plans and then we talked about marriage and kids again. I had her therapists card because of before she came to live with me, I went to her house to meet her parents and talk to her therapist because her therapist wanted to talk to me before we left. She gave me her card and said call her if anything comes up. All I can think about it is how I failed everyone..and most of all I failed the girl I love.
Now she sits at home in her moms basement playing her game or just listening to music. Isolating herself from everyone not wanting to leave the house or talk on the phone or even using the voip programs. About 5 days ago I told her she need to go and see a therapist telling her how much I care for her and want her to get better. She told me not to worry and that she was reading a book on how to help herself with depression. I took that answer for about a day and realized, depression isn't something you can just think differently and it will go away with ease. And here I am now telling her I want her to get better and she needs to see a therapist and always saying I'm here to talk if anything is wrong. Any time I message (message her on facebook) her about going to see a therapist and how worried I am for her she just ignores it. But then when I go online on the game we play together she acts if I never said anything at all..I'm afraid to push her while she is online on the game because it just seems to be the place she wants to go all the time to get away from it all. I want the girl I fell in love with back..I want her to get help..But my pleas seem to fall on deaf ears. For what little money I have i even offered to pay for her therapy appointments, but still no reply. I'm hanging on the best I can knowing that this isn't really her and that it's the depression talking and making her act. All my pleas seem to be failing...and now I look at her therapist's card and wonder if it is right to call her therapist and ask what to do. Or should I just keep asking her every few days or so about it? <<< These are the questions I would like to know. So if your busy and don't want to read the rest that is fine, I know this is long.
Everyday I look at how the odds are stacked against me in helping her and getting her back. My friend who has a crush on her and never stops to show it to me. Her mom who is so happy she is back home and never wants her to leave...No one to talk about this..my mom who is so angry if I ever mention her name...And the distance between us..It is just so overwhelming but I love her so much and our relationship was so perfect I just wish she didn't hold back so much and let it all explode like this..I want her to be better..I want to continue where we left off..getting ready to move out and for me to spend the secret saved up money on a ring. Please tell me what to do..I don't want to give up and I want to help her so much. It hurts so much to see her like this.

I am on chapter 3 of Depression Fallout. It is helping to know that this is normal and I'm not alone in this, but I can't stop thinking of how the odds are against me and how this is all my fault. Also forgive me for the long post.
Edit: I asked her again saying I would pay for her appointments..She just said no and that since she has a job(on call) she wants to learn to help herself and not rely on other people. I don't know what to do..if that is her thinking I guess I can't change it. Does this mean I should just leave her be until she does get help on her own?




